A Piece of Me


I want to share something very personal and raw with you because it was good and it was bad, but it made me feel and it was real.

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I was 13 weeks when I got to the doctor and found out I was having a girl to my surprise.  A human being was growing in me, and a second trimester abortion is out of the picture at this point.  I know that I’ve wanted this for a long time, but right now wasn’t the best of time.  The father had been bullying me into getting an abortion.  He broke my heart when he told me that he was with his ex.  Not only did I have to deal with an unwanted pregnancy on my own, I had to deal with the heartbreak and the judgement from society as I continued on my second pregnancy without the father.  I felt womanized into something that was completely fake.  Basically EVERYTHING he had ever told me was a lie.  That he had zero sperm count, that he wanted a family, the he wanted to build a life with me.  Even the person he pretended to be which was the complete opposite of what he truly was come to be.  He offered zero help and even changed his phone number, then had a lawyer and his mother  call me threatening me with getting full custody if I didn’t abort the baby.  He couldn’t help me to doctors visits when I was on bed rest, and when my daughter called him to take me to the emergency room, he hung up.  I couldn’t believe that my judgement was so poor in to trust someone so spineless and selfish.  I never did anything to him except love him, even when he broke my heart, I was understanding and empathetic to his feelings.  I don’t like to make myself out to be a victim, but this is why I see no point in making yourself vulnerable.  People take advantage of weakness.  There is a world full of hurt out there, and I refuse to be one to continue the cycle.  I begin with healing myself and keeping to myself rather than selfishly hurt others because I have my own selfish pains to deal with.  At the end of the day it was simple.  He hates himself and he’s selfish and people who hurt others and gain joy from it only do so because of low self esteem.

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I was unemployed, I just got over 2 months of pertussis and bed rest (whooping cough) and had depleted my savings account and quit my job.  It was around the time of the Ikaika show in June that I got pregnant, my period was a week late every month so I assumed I wasn’t pregnant and this was just due to a low body fat percentage and 3 consecutive shows in a 6 week period.  I continued an aggressive training regiment and unhealthy supplement intake during the entire time.  Now concerned for the baby’s well being I had genetic and multiple ultrasounds done.  Everything looked fine to my surprise!  I grew attached and excited for baby to come.  Although at first she didn’t like the idea of sharing Mommy’s attention, Kai grew excited that she is going to have a new baby sister.  At week 19 I went in for a second ultrasound and QUAD blood genetic test.  They sent me straight to ER where I spent the night.  They told me my cervix was dilated and I had minor ruptured membranes.  The baby’s amniotic sac had moved 4 cm through the cervix and into the vagina and has slowly been leaking.  Doctors advised me I had 24-48 hours before she miscarried.  I had no pain and felt fine, so I didn’t put stock into what they said.  They urged me several times to have a medical abortion, but I ignored their advice because I didn’t want to play god.  I didn’t want to be the one to pull my baby out of me piece by piece alive, feeling everything.  I had hope.

I stayed in bed for two weeks.  My friend Jack constructed me a 2′ decline lift for my bed as my regular OB optimistically suggested.  This kept baby in.  During this time I started a go fund me page to help me pay bills.   I thank everyone for the generous amount of support I had received.  It was extremely hard for me to ask for help.  It’s hard for me to accept judgement from others which I knew was happening from some negative comments.  I discovered new friends, and discovered the fake ones and strengthened current ones. I had been falling behind and I was suppose to start my new job in 2 days waitressing part time at Outback which now wasn’t going to happen.  Daily pain started to kick in as my uterus got agitated.  Sips of wine would help stop contractions.  2 weeks went by and wine didn’t stop the contractions.  At 21 weeks and 2 days, I went into the ER because the contractions got stronger and closer apart and wine no longer was stopping them. Unlike two weeks ago, this time my amniotic fluid was low and my leaks were pink suggesting light bleeding.

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Sadly, they notified me that the quad test I had taken came back for a high probability of down syndrome.  In the middle of a contraction: what a terrible time it was for them to tell me.  Not a geneticyst, she was unable to give me more information.  My heart was broken.  To my understanding, this test is highly unprobbable.  I come to find out, leaking amniotic fluid can most likely trigger false positives due to elevated hormones in the test.  The only way to get a 99% confirmation is an amniocentesis, one of my most feared prenatal procedures, where they stick a long needle into your uterus to obtain fluid from the amniotic sac via your abdomen.

I was sedated with pain medication  which stopped my contractions, but was unable to sleep.  I lied in the dark with my eyes closed crying by myself.  I didn’t want her to go yet.  I had fought this hard to make it two weeks.  12 more days and she could make it.  I was determined to hold on.  At 3 am the doctor entered my room to tell me my white blood count was high insinuating infection which was most likely the uterine pain I was experiencing.  Chorioamnionitis is highly dangerous to the mother if the infection causes a fever and to the baby which if survived is at elevated risk for meningtis and brain damage. I didn’t have a fever so my logic was to not give up. Why is this happening to me?  I suddenly decided I have to stop.  I stopped fighting.  Doctor brought in suppositories to help with contractions and to my suprise I was already 7 cm dilated  and her head was already very low in delivery position.  Contractions weren’t coming.  Only one contraction came and I felt the need to push.  So I decide to help her end her suffering.  The contractions weren’t coming but she was small enough for me to push at 7 cm without epidural or contractions.  She was delivered in only minutes. Seraphim Ossa Manning was born at 5:30 am, on election day, November 08, 2016, 21 weeks and 2 days, 12.2 oz., 12 days too early for the lungs to be viable outside of the womb.  I now know that she wanted to go and this was gods will.  I was too stubborn holding on.  I was filled with bitersweet sadness, but also with peace knowing that this was gods way.  Instead of brutally ripping her pieces apart with an abortion, I had a calm labor, and I had a chance to kiss her forehead and hold her warm in my arms.  She didn’t appear to have anything physically wrong with her.  She did not appear to have down syndrome.  Her development was healthy.  My body couldn’t carry her any longer, and my health was at risk and it was my body’s natural way of telling me it’s time to let go.

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Don’t give up hope.  Don’t listen to a doctors first opinion.  Get a second.  My OBGYN took great comfort and hope in comparison to what the doctors had given me which was fear in the hospital.  The doctors had scared me so many times into giving up.  The infection hadn’t set in and I felt like I could’ve made 12 more days if I really held on.  I feel like she was going 2 weeks ago but with my stubbornness we held on.  The mind is a powerful thing and the body will follow.  I truly feel the only reason she held on was because I stayed in bed and refused to quit.  I’m trying to let go and accept that far worse things could’ve happened and this is for the best.  My heart is broken in 1000 pieces. I will never forget Serah.  And now I have to do my best to pick up my broken pieces.

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I will never be an advocate for abortion.  I want to acknowledge that when I had unprotected sex, I was aware of taking responsibility for my actions.  I am aware that I am fully capable of caring for a child no matter the circumstances.  I am a 31 year old single mother and this decision came with a mature choice and sense of responsibility.  I feel that many younger women are not mature enough to fully understand the implications of their actions.  It is too easy to go to an abortion clinic.  I have had an abortion in the past.  My younger political views strayed towards pro choice.  While today I am Pro Life personally for myself, however I am in the middle, as I believe politics should not have a say in this matter, and this controversial topic should not be used to sway election votes.   I also believe that this atrocity should not be funded with federal tax money.  Adoption is another option if you are not responsible or ready to take care of a child.  Juno is one of my favorite movies.  Her spirit through a bad situation is inspiring.  I find it disgusting that people find it so simple to erase a bad mistake by killing it.  Piece by piece, ripping a child out of a womb while it is still alive, feeling every pain.  I will deal with my actions accordingly and not make an innocent baby suffer because I made poor decisions.  Once you have an abortion you realize how monsterous it truly is.  I vowed never to do it again.

 Did you know that 45% of abortionees undergo multiple abortions.  I do not know which is more disturbing to me.   That 45% find it ok to take the easy way out and repeat their mistakes, or that the majority of these abortions were with women under 25 years of age and that over 70% of abortions are performed for convenience rather than medical reasons or rape and incest. I know only a women can make that decision for herself.  There are options.  Please don’t hurt your baby because you made a selfish decision.  Do the right thing.

WORLDWIDE

Number of abortions per year: approximately 42 million
Number of abortions per day: approximately 115,000

Where abortions occur:
83% of all abortions are obtained in developing countries and 17% occur in developed countries.

© Copyright 1996-2008, The Guttmacher Institute. (http://www.agi-usa.org)

UNITED STATES

Number of abortions per year: 1.21 million (2005)
Number of abortions per day: approximately 3,315

Who’s having abortions (age)?

50% of women obtaining abortions in the U.S. are younger than 25: women aged 20-24 obtain 33% of all abortions; teenagers obtain 17%; and girls under 15 account for 1.2%.

MORE FACTS http://www.abortionno.org/abortion-facts/

This whole experience has changed my life forever.  It has been a humbling experience not to take time with Kai for granted.  That all life is precious.  To not waste another day being unhappy because life is too short to throw away settling for complacency.  It has breathed life into a life that has been lacking for a long time.  

“When everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you’re alive.” Goo Goo Dolls. Iris.


Please pray for Serah

You can follow the story and updates at
https://www.gofundme.com/prochoiceconflict

xoxo

#1dayout #electionday #trumpvshillary


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So this has truly been an amazing election this year. To be honest I’ve never cared for politics until I saw that someone could possibly make a difference, and that man is Donald Trump. There is a reason he is sweeping the nation by storm and whether you like him or not, he isn’t only winning his election, he is winning the hearts of the people as well.

At a younger age I was swayed to believe I was a democrat because of my modernity liberal social views on marijuana, abortion and gay rights. But this was by a bias democrat looking to recruit ignorant young supporters whose father was a Politican supporting Obama. As I grew older, I became more versed on what was happening in the world. What stimulates the economy and what hurts my wallet. Yes, strippers have educated opinions too. More than some lawyers and doctors I’ve come to know. From making 200k + a year cash, (before 2008) to some years making as little as 50k, you start understanding what is happening in the world, not only to the ladies of the underworld turning into underpaid prositutes and killing the stripclub fantasy racket, but you start to learn a lot about your customers rackets as well. Customers that were once making a lot of money spending no longer are because their businesses are hurting too. That customer that use to spend $500 every week is budgeting and only spending $80-$100 every time he comes in. And if you’re smart you took time to get to know them and learn a thing or two. Some industries thrive, some hurt. Right now honolulu’s construction industry was booming due to the rail site. My club was right on the route. Since some of the projects slowed down, so did the club. Korean bars in Wahiawa near the Schofield barracks use to boom, like Club Texas that have now been closed. The owners now own the old California Girls which is now a ghost town because of lack of military spending in the area. I see women and single mothers resort to prostitution for dollars out of desperation and it’s heart wrenching. I’m in my prime and it has gotten so bad that I decided I’d have a better life waitressing at Chilli’s.

This is what the Obama administration has done for me? I’ve seen the military be sized down. I got an interesting text from my friend the other day. Did you know they’re secretly briefing for deployment to Iraq right now under Obama’s orders. He doesn’t want it disclosed until after the election. Smh. I’ve seen medical go up from $150-$350 to $700-$1000 for some people. This inflution is ridiculous. Someone who makes 100k a year has to spend 10% of their income so that the poor  can have free medical? That is wrong. I don’t believe in stealing from the rich to give to the poor. I believe in providing opportunity for people who try and pull their weight. Yeah gays have gotten their rights and marijuana has taken a step in the right direction whereas global, military and trade issues have been misguided. When the world is worrying about some drama with Beyoncé and Jay Z, Obama got billions to fund refugees because everyone forgot to show up to that meeting. He got a blank check. We can’t even afford to take care of our veterans and they are rescinding bonuses of military recruits? We can’t afford anything yet we continue to charity the world.

One of the major things that come to play this election is the mindless following of social media bias media clips. I often debate politics since I’m bored out of my skull and bedridden. I enjoy an intelligent conversation debating politics most of it boils down to you’re a racist, hateful, unintelligent person because you support trump. Here’s a social experiment. Which side do you support?

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Let’s stick to the issues. Most people are concerned about how well of a speaker trump is. His politically incorrect lines. His grab her by the pussy scandal. And his timely convenient sexual assault suits. They want to make clips of the most unintelligent supporters and propagate that Trump supporters are all redneck, uneducated, inbred, racists. The truth is most people are afraid to even conduct this experience because they are so caught up in media bias that they can’t even begin to tell you what each politicians stance on the issues are.

Abortion

I am pro life. At a younger age I did have an abortion I’m not proud of. In fact I was bullied into it by an abusive relationship. We, women sometimes are forced to raise a child alone, which I have, and it’s a hard road. On my second child, without support, I have decided to keep my child, again being bullied into any abortion. However, as a mother, who has alreAdy had an abortion, my pro choice views have changed to pro life. Only a woman can make the decision and choice because she had to deal w the consequences. Men too easily are not held responsible. And although I am personally pro life, the only reason for abortion issues to be in politics is for the federal funding of its entities including planned parenthood and federal medical in funding for welfare recipients receiving abortions. I do not feel the government should pay for these services and should Be paid for by the recipients or social pro choice charity groups. Not with tax payers money esp when so many in this nation are against it, that it is manipulated to sway political votes. Do away w it in the election process all together and make it a null subject for the woman to decide but the government have no say.

Healthcare

Obama care is a disaster. I do not believe in giving to the poor by taking from the rich. It needs to be fair. Free medical would never work in America. Countries like Canada have medical because of inflation of consumption taxes. For example a bottle of grey goose costs $130. Their medical profit margins are low thus making the quality of skilled medical workers low. And the only reason this works is because America subsidizes them. The AMerican pharma companies sell  pharmaceuticals at way lower prices, whereas the American  people end up paying premiums over 8x higher to pick up the bulk of research costs so they can sell the rest to Europe and Canada for cheap. We don’t want cheap, shitty medical that we can’t afford. Skilled doctors have begun to leave their professions for cosmetics because there is little profit in the medical industry today. Donald Trump proposes opening borders to make insurance companies compete among eachother for better premiums. You get what you pay for. I had Kaiser when I was young. Kaiser is appx $115-$150/Mo. When I had a premature baby they didn’t even attempt to rescue him. Do you know why? Because they didn’t have skilled workers nor facilities. I was too young to know at the time I could sue them for negligent practice because my baby’s skull was damaged while they were examining me while I was in labor when they shouldn’t insert a speculum during labor. I now have hmsa which covers more. Hmsa is around $350 a month. You get what you pay for. Only kapiolani is equipped with facilities and skilled nurses and Doctor specialists for High risk patients.

Tax

While democrats believe in taking from the rich giving to the poor, republicans believe in working hard for their money. You cannot classify every hard working American in the Republican Party as a corrupt 1%er or banker or politician. There are small businessmen, blue and white collar workers and the middle businessmen who are successful but not quite 1%ers. This is the divide the democrats wants to create to propagate this unfair sense of income inequality. Bernie pushes a $15/hour minimum wage. Higher wages just creates higher costs of everything. That $5 gallon of milk is now $10 because the person stocking at the store, the driver of the truck, the laborers in the warehouse before receiving it from the shippers who had it docked in the mainland  before pasteurizing and packaging it before it was procured by the farmer who raised and fed that cow everyday each person for $15/hour. Corporations can handle this $15 hour raise, but will pass the costs on to the consumer. YOU. Small businesses cannot. Like states before, a bottle of Grey Goose costs $130 in Canada. This is what happens when you raise taxes and minimum wage. The issue isn’t that we don’t tax enough. Upper 1% will always find ways to hide their money. Our issue is abusing federal spending and going after that abuse. We need to close the loop holes and tighten our budget. I think trump has proven to know how to tighten budgets and flip a profit.

Same sex marriage

IM not gay and this does not affect me but I believe trump is only appealing to the conservative voter which he needs in order to win the election because previously he had liberal views on this subject. He has an election to win and games to plays. I doubt he will rescind the gay issue, or will it pass.  Gays are not an issue in our country. They are peaceful. They do not protest violently or have syndicate and prominent gangs. If they want to stick their dick in someone Else’s ass that’s their prerogative and if I want someone to stick their dick in mine , then that’s my business.

common core

I don’t even know what the fk this is! My daughter asks me to help her w math and I can’t. I do not engage in many of her math assignments because I can’t do it. This is stupid. It’s the only subject she needs help in and it’s not because she’s not smart enough for math. I too had an issue w math growing up because I have a different formula process in my head. People with quick minds can come to the same answers with different processes and I see that with her as well. We can figure out the answer but our work is different from what they want us to show so we get it wrong. It’s stupid. Fk common core.

Education

I don’t believe in free education. It’s a luxury we can’t afford  which would cost trillions. I think education is extremely important however I don’t believe it should be free. When did we become a nation where we became spoiled brats who are entitled to hand outs.  I was raised to work hard, to be a functioning citizen in society.  When something is given to somebody for free it is taken for granted. I feel like many Americans are spoiled they go to school because it is free on grant money or on credit and student loans but they don’t appreciate the value of that. They don’t apply themselves. They get degrees that they never use in the future. They drop out of school or get bad grades. But then you see forsign exchange students  Who do not have that opportunity in  their country and they take advantage of that opportunity in America and apply themselves and work hard.  This is why America does not need to spend money on education. Most of their educated skilled PhD, engineers, and scientists are outsourced from international countries. And this is why we have a midle blue collar skilled market. People with trades or a bachelor degree can make a decent income of 50 to 150 K. One of the common things I see in the media  is the black lives matter movement propagating income inequality and suppressant of the black community.  We live in a time where it is illegal to discriminate on the color of your skin and anybody can attend college through grant money and student loans that come from poverty especially. If you didn’t get an education and apply yourself it is because you decided not to take advantage of it. It is true that we live in a time where it is illegal to discriminate on the color of your skin and anybody can attend college through grant money and student loans that come from poverty especially. If you didn’t get an education and apply yourself it is because you decided not to take advantage of it. It is not the governments responsibility to raise our children. These entitled and lazy poor attitudes are cultures taught by parents. I’m extremely anti-BLM and feel that it is meant to divide and create victims out of the black community. Basically there is a faceless boogie man telling you that you must stay down because the white man has suppressed you. Instead of taking power into your own hands and removing the power from recent history against you and rise above it, you keep yourself in a box by accepting this form of racism. The truth is not everyone out here is racist and blm keeps them in a box by creating that divide. The black community doesn’t have poverty and crime because the white man created it. We’ve created opportunities for you to apply yourself and given special subsidizes to black citizens. Nobody gives a shit because you’re violent mother fuckers and spew hate. I’m not racist. I just can’t stand people who use violence as a means of power and victimize themselves as an excuse. Get educated. Stop raising ignorant children without ethics and morals.

immigration

First of all ignorant people who cannot discuss politics cordially will almost 95% of the time pull the race card anytime you say anything that has to do w a racial subject. Not wanting illegal immigrants to destroy our economy and  break the law by illegally coming here not only does it hurt our economy, it leaves loop holes for criminals and terrorists to come in and that is a security of our borders issue. Although I do not believe that building a wall is the answer the idea of it is what is important. The idea that we will no longer stand for blatant disrespect of our laws and continue allow the poor to come to this country to be a burden.  Educated immigrants with skills and work do not illegally come here and jump borders. I am not an uncharitable person who believes in selfish views towards money, however I believe we reep what we sow, and causing more dependent citizens in this country to depend on federal funding makes masses dependent on the welfare system. Im not only speaking of Mexicans but Europeans and muslim refugees alike. Some of these people from third world countries will never be able to function in society and how will they raise generations? Their cultures are completely opposite than ours often and are are unable to integrate without violence. I saw a video of a Muslim woman being arrested at Las Vegas airport spewing Sharia law and hate against Americans saying we should be murdered for certain Islamic crimes. Nobody wants this in America. I’m not racist. But fuck you. This is America.

I can go on and on but this is taking a long time to write. The funniest part is that I’ve been block happy on Facebook blocking the most idiot people. I can’t stand the race card in a debate because I am clearly not racist. I just do not have sympathy for the poor because you are responsible for your own financial destiny. Even an uneducated person can be a stripper or a cosmetologist or nail tech and make a decent living bartending or any other skill. I’ve personally noticed a lot of attack on trump supporters esp. After a bias media  video emerged of a small group of senior citizen and less literate Caucasian trump supporters in Honolulu were topic of a bashed subject. I recognized one of the ladies as a lawyer and another a retired doctor. The video was edited to clearly make this group look poorly and the Clinton supporters began to bash them. Kids not outstanding persons in society bashing a well respected lawyer because the clip they showed was of her not so well-ly discussing Hillary selling nukes to Russia. Many times referring them as to haoles and to leave. Who is the racist one here? In Hawaii Caucasians are often the ones discriminated on. I was so offended I went on that feed to defend her because she is an outstanding citizen and media can be a horrible thing… Here’s the scoop in Russia that she didn’t elaborate on that most kids don’t know because they don’t know what’s going on in the world…

Bill Clinton and his Canadian uranium manufacturing partner sells uranium to small European country which sells to Russia and then sells to Isis. This is how American missiles end up in the Middle East. On the other end hillary is Negotiating deals with Saudi Arabia, who’s government donated billions to the “Clinton foundation” And immediately hires Bill for a $700k public speech. The sad thing is they don’t hide this. They blatantly do everything. This is all public knowledge. Hillary clintons foundation donates 4 billion to Haitis disaster but its been under scrupulation that the money is highly abused and not being used for the people. We cannot monitor spending in international countries and it becomes a conflict of interest when international political affairs, presidential influence, abuse of charity money and high paid speaking gigs are all intercepting among the same circles. ARE YOU BLIND?

Let’s  talk about Haiti.  They came in with guns and told the rice field workers to leave and they burned all the rice fields. Now Hillary’s brother sells rice exclusively out of Virginia to Haiti.   It’s a known fact in Haiti that if you want to do business you have to go through the Clintons.  What else is going on in the small countries that people in power are taking advantage of. Hillary is a globalist, the bushes are  globalists. You want more of the same bullshit politicians. No thank you. I want Trump because he’s NOT a politician.

People have flaws. Trump is a pompous ego maniac with money who use to slang pussy by the truckloads (and grab it too apparently.) He’s a shrewd businessman who is constantly harassed by the IRS and he takes advantage of tax loopholes like everyone else. I’ve looked into it and his realestate has plummeted so perhaps his losses are real which is why he has a personal interest to make America great again to regain his value on his real estate investments. Could it be that his interests allign with the American people? It made me emotional to see old videos of him to see how he never had an interest in politics because it’s “mean” and the money doesn’t mean much to him. But he sees America needs a leader and someone like him to stick up for us and stop abusing us and jacking off the world with our tax money.  We need someone like Donald Trump who isn’t controlled by the globalists and lobbyists. Is he perfect? No. But this isn’t a popularity contest. Or who can throw a better concert or get more celebs to offer blow jobs. This is about the future of our nation. I’m tired of the govt getting more control, diluting what America is really about, and abusing our tax money.

America is corporatism. It isn’t Socialism. It isn’t communism. It isn’t giving to the poor and stealing from the rich. It is a place of free enterprise and a place of opportunity.  Giving the government more control to take away our liberties and managing business and industry is giving government more control over the people. With the increasing numbers of idiots in this country we just might need more governing because people are morons. The government wants to control everything land, commodities, water, food. But look what they’ve done to our water supplies, our meat, our chicken, our produce, the chemicals in our food and water that continue to poison us. The cancer causing toxins in the plastics we depend on. The GMo Monsanto has raised that is toxic that is protected. Did you know Monsanto also owns Splenda??? Chemicals causing cancer. The way to keep masses under control is to control the wealth inequality, sickness, religion, racial divide and resources and make people dependent. Why do you think there’s so much cancer causing bullshit and the government doesn’t care?

If I hear outspoken BLM or Hillary supporters spouting hate or propagating negativity and racism I’m erasing you because I have no room for negativity any more.

Its 12 am…


I can’t sleep and my mind races with the thoughts of all I have seen today. Should I stay or go? Should I lie or tell the truth? Have I loved, or am I just passing through? Is anything that’s happened even real? It’s just passing by so fast I don’t even realize it’s happening and before you know it, it’s just wasted time. Sometimes you have to feel the pain just to know you’re alive but you keep on living. I watched discovery channel videos on giant sea creatures and giant squids on YouTube today. I guess something so big is rare and hard to find, and often found in arctic waters, so I guess I’ll move to the north pole. But are we so cold blooded? Or are we just shallow that the depths of the ocean are what we are afraid of? What dwells In the unknown, murky realm. Finding one would only be lucky if you make it through. Make sushi.
Xoxo
Kristie manning

Ka’ale & the Truth w/ Ekona from Ai Pohaku & MIXJAH


Ka’ale & The Truth w/Ekona from Ai Pohaku & MIXJAH
plus special guests
@ Life’s A Beach in Kihei
Saturday July 30
21+ no cover
Reggae/Hip Hop mix
Ka’ale & the Truth
 Listen to Ka’ale @
SEE YOU THERE!
xoxo
Kristie

What Do I Want?


I am a free spirit. A wild woman, a maneater.  I require a strong alpha male, because I will suck all his power up if he is not strong enough to take me on.  I need someone who puts 100% trust in me, and knows no matter what I do, or how things may seem, or how flirtatious I may even be, my end game is him and at the end of the night I’m coming home to him. I’m not the cheating type.  I have been taken for a ride before, I have had my heart broken, and by no  means am I perfect.  I’ve even broke a few hearts.  But everyday is a winding road, and every heart broken is a new lesson learned, and new path carved.

If we become insecure, jealous people, it will never work out!  Jealousy is one of the most unattractive qualities to me.  From time to time, I have been known to be a jealous person.  But that was because the relationships foundations were tainted with trust issues and infidelity.  I will always try to conceal my jealousy.  As for insecurities, we must take it upon ourselves to make that special someone feel like they are the only one for you.   If they’re not, then why are you in it in the first place? Trust and communication is the foundation of a stable relationship. Take away that and it all crumbles from beneath you.  Remember when loyalty and being in love was enough?

If my husband, for example, came home from a trip and told me that he had slept with a hooker, but out of respect for me, was ridden with guilt, and had to tell me the truth, I’d be very upset.  However I’d probably forgive him.  I am after his soul, not his body.  Sex is merely physical.

“It’s not cheating unless you read poetry.”

I need someone who’s strong enough to let me be queen of my world, but still be the assertive male figure, an equal figure, not a dominating person, someone who will stand up to me  and tell me when I am wrong.  Someone I will respect, not someone I will walk all over.  Where do you draw the line without being my bitch?  I have had very subservient men in my life, but this bores me after a while.  I need someone who is going to accept me for who I am and not try to change me.  I never changed for anybody my entire life, why start now?  I am unique, and an acquired taste.  I am not for everybody.  You either love me, or you hate me.

Love is fleeting, we all wind in and out of love throughout a lifetime.  Some of us are afraid to fall in love again.  I like to jump into things head over heels.  Careless, some would say, but I say that I give 100% and I’m not afraid to have my heart broken.  Maybe I’m addicted to the extreme heights of the rushes of being in love, but I have learned to deal with the anguished lows of sad breakups, and dramatic heartbreaks as well.  Some people think I’m cold, because I can easily break up with someone on the opposite end…

“I’m not into this anymore, and I don’t want to take you for a ride.”  Some say that would be cold, being said to a guy utterly head over heels in love with you, but I call it honest.  Some people can’t handle the truth.  But I think the truth is far better than lies and confusing a person hurt with rejection.

Someday I will be loved.