What Do I Want?


I am a free spirit. A wild woman, a maneater.  I require a strong alpha male, because I will suck all his power up if he is not strong enough to take me on.  I need someone who puts 100% trust in me, and knows no matter what I do, or how things may seem, or how flirtatious I may even be, my end game is him and at the end of the night I’m coming home to him. I’m not the cheating type.  I have been taken for a ride before, I have had my heart broken, and by no  means am I perfect.  I’ve even broke a few hearts.  But everyday is a winding road, and every heart broken is a new lesson learned, and new path carved.

If we become insecure, jealous people, it will never work out!  Jealousy is one of the most unattractive qualities to me.  From time to time, I have been known to be a jealous person.  But that was because the relationships foundations were tainted with trust issues and infidelity.  I will always try to conceal my jealousy.  As for insecurities, we must take it upon ourselves to make that special someone feel like they are the only one for you.   If they’re not, then why are you in it in the first place? Trust and communication is the foundation of a stable relationship. Take away that and it all crumbles from beneath you.  Remember when loyalty and being in love was enough?

If my husband, for example, came home from a trip and told me that he had slept with a hooker, but out of respect for me, was ridden with guilt, and had to tell me the truth, I’d be very upset.  However I’d probably forgive him.  I am after his soul, not his body.  Sex is merely physical.

“It’s not cheating unless you read poetry.”

I need someone who’s strong enough to let me be queen of my world, but still be the assertive male figure, an equal figure, not a dominating person, someone who will stand up to me  and tell me when I am wrong.  Someone I will respect, not someone I will walk all over.  Where do you draw the line without being my bitch?  I have had very subservient men in my life, but this bores me after a while.  I need someone who is going to accept me for who I am and not try to change me.  I never changed for anybody my entire life, why start now?  I am unique, and an acquired taste.  I am not for everybody.  You either love me, or you hate me.

Love is fleeting, we all wind in and out of love throughout a lifetime.  Some of us are afraid to fall in love again.  I like to jump into things head over heels.  Careless, some would say, but I say that I give 100% and I’m not afraid to have my heart broken.  Maybe I’m addicted to the extreme heights of the rushes of being in love, but I have learned to deal with the anguished lows of sad breakups, and dramatic heartbreaks as well.  Some people think I’m cold, because I can easily break up with someone on the opposite end…

“I’m not into this anymore, and I don’t want to take you for a ride.”  Some say that would be cold, being said to a guy utterly head over heels in love with you, but I call it honest.  Some people can’t handle the truth.  But I think the truth is far better than lies and confusing a person hurt with rejection.

Someday I will be loved.

Time Starts to Pass Before You Know it You’re Frozen…


“Life passes most people by while they’re making grand plans for it.” George Jung. (Johnny Depp) Blow

I asked my daughter what she’s going to do when she grows up.  She said she’s going to do art.  She wants to do 10 things when she’s big.  She wants to paint nails, and play computer.  She wants to make funny faces.  She said she’ll work a lot like Mommy, and give her kids respect and lots of toys.  She says adults don’t play.  I guess she sees me working all the time.

I often think how nice it would be to be a kid again.  When I was young, I couldn’t wait to grow up.   My parent’s always told me, before you know it you’re going to be a grown up and you’re going to wish you were a kid again.  Yeah right, I thought.  I’m tired of my parents bossing me around.

When I was 15 I ran away from home.  I didn’t see my parents for 3 years.  I hustled hard to pay for a hotel at the Prince in Waikiki.  I had enough money for food, but had to eat $1 menu @ Jack in the Crack often.  Once in a while I’d pick up a case of  Smirnoff Ice, or a beer. I didn’t have a lot of clothes, in fact, I could fit it all in a back pack, because sometimes when the hotel’s were full in busy season, I’d go sleep on the beach.  Yeah, I know, I’ve come a long way from my teenage years.  But that much independence taught me life.  I was free and I loved it.  I was living it up.  I wish I could go back to living in a shack by the beach, little responsibility, being happy, and feeling young again.

Now, I live in a luxury 2 bedroom condo, have 3 cars, a beautiful daughter, 5 credit cards, and an ample list of bills.  The quality of life is definitely improved, and the company is better than the last time, but I can’t help but sometimes feel like I’m not going the places I want to.  I am still pursuing my education as a fashion designer.  But I have so many passions and can’t focus it all.  I love art.  I’m a musician and composer.  I’m the creative type.  I love film and theatre, and composition.  I love food and wine, and travel.  I am in love with love itself.  Constantly looking for the perfect love (if I haven’t already passed it by).   I love writing.  Modeling.  Photography.  Expression.  This blog is my way to share my soul with the world, and feel like I am doing something worthwhile.  I’m stuck in Vegas until my lease is up in May, and I just feel like I am dying here.

I’m the ambitious type and sometimes I get caught up and lose it.  Sometimes you just have to pick up and go somewhere new and start all over.  I feel sorry for people who get caught up in something that is no good for them.  A drug addiction.  A bad relationship.  The wrong city.  A dead end career.  They are all so separate subjects, but can be equally deadly.

Know which way the wind blows. It’s sending me to LA.

Begin doing what you want to do now.  We are not living in eternity.  We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand and melting like a snowflake.

xoxo

Kristie Manning