How to Pick a Partner


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Nope that’s not what I meant… but LOL

How do you pick a partner?  I don’t f***ing know.  I’m hopelessly single.  But I do know what I look for in a relationship.  My sister recently told me about a book that teaches you what to look for in a relationship.  I guess this is from the “post-divorce” section of the book store.  Nobody is perfect, but it’s finding the person who is compatible for us to make something last.

  1. Find out how you fight.  What is your fighting style?  Do you blow up and get emotional?  Are you unforgiving?  Are you too quick to forgive? Do you run away and blow off steam.  Are you unresponsive and avoid your issues?  The way two people deal with issues can make or break you.  I may be emotional and fiery in a moment and quick to cool down and forgive.  So maybe being with someone who understands that and understands to back away from the situation is the best person for me.  But even if that is not the case.  If he understands how you feel, maybe he can make that compromise to deal with you differently than he normally would because he understand that is how you deal with things, and you could make an effort to understand your way of dealing with things can be destructive and even though you may fail a few times, try to practice a more rational approach.  #growth

2. Find out how their parents “damaged” them.  Our parents are all good people (most of them) and their intention is never to hurt you, but we can’t help but have quirks in our personality or something negative about ourselves we inherited from our parents.  Me, for example, I have my dads temper.  And my parents controlling attitudes manifested in rebellion.  Taking the first step of self realization is important in personal development.  And expressing those weaknesses to your other half is a step in understanding the inner workings of their mind and how their pains or misunderstandings have developed into obstacles in their lives.  Being rebellious has hurt me in school, in work and in relationships.  Once I understood where this rebellious attitude came from, I realized, I don’t need to be rebellious anymore, and I let it go.  And I will never have that same attitudes towards raising my daughter.  I had a friend once tell me his dad unintentionally damaged him.  His grandfather was a championship boxer.  And he was a jerk and use to beat up people.  He even beat up the mail man once.  His father hated it so much, that he was a peaceful person.  He mistook this for his dad “being a pussy.”  This instilled in his mind, and he went through an extremely rebellious period that he had to be “hard” and “gangster” to prove himself, and this time period where gangster rap and rebellious attitudes was a “trend” contributed to the issue.

3. Ask them to name their best traits and a few of their worst.  Give them time to show they have good self esteem.  A person with poor self esteem will have a hard time talking positively about themselves.  And someone who can be honest and real about their short comings understands themselves and shows promise for growth.

My best: Sexy, Intelligent, Competitive, Ambitious.

My Worst: Impatient. Fickle. Retaliating. Emotional.

4.  What are you goals?  Have an understanding of what is in your future.  Is it ambition?  Big business? Small business? Marriage? Children? Do you have desire to do philanthropical work?  Often This is a major stopping point for me.  I’ve met so many great people that I’m compatible with, but often one is terrified of children, or some are divorced and never want to marry again.  I have a child, so sometimes instal-family isn’t always what people thought it was and they are left thinking… “I signed up for this?”  Having these conversations early is a great way to begin a relationship.  Nonetheless… people don’t always know what they want, and in the moment they could’ve  thought this is what they wanted, and 6 months or 8 years down the road, they could decide still, this is not what I want.  Make sure that what you want is clear.  Don’t give into wants, egos and desires.  Look at this maturely from an outside perspective and genuinely come to meet someone that has mutual goals as you.  Be honest.  I think people tend to mask their true feelings with lies to prevent being hurt again.  I think opening up to love is greater than being stuck in single land, but really missing having something great again but being too scared to take a chance.  I’ve ran into that a lot and it’s a lot more common than you know.  I’ve been guilty of it, especially after an intense break up, when you need time to heal.

5. Find out their personality types.  And how they make decisions.  There are 4 personality types.  Imagine a cross with 4 segments.  The upper is dominant, the lower is submissive.  The other sides are divided by rule breakers and rule followers.  When you intertwine these 4 traits they create 4 personality types.  Understanding the way these personalities interact with one another will bring strength to the relationship.  It’s not about being compatible.  Each relationships has different strengths and weaknesses, and understand what they are will help you to emphasize on those strengths, and how to improve on your weaknesses.  I am a monkey.  I am unfocused party animals, promoter, instigater, wild, etc.  A lion is a leader and in business can help me stay grounded and focused.  But in a relationship, an owl is the thinking quiet methodical type and is actually best for me because they keep me grounded.  Other monkeys are great for friends and party people.  And Koalas are a good emotional support for me, but I know for a fact I could NEVER date a Koala.  And dating another monkey would be like dating a Gemini.  I’ve done it, and it lacks the emotional stability I need.  Although, it’s a lot of fun, the grounding energies of a Lion or an Owl is what I need.

I’m still unsure about what the decision making options are.  I understand I am emotional and not rational and I look to my partner to come up with a solution.  I get really upset when my partner makes a decision without me.  He doesn’t need my permission but discussing things is always healthy.

personality-type-cheat-sheet-original-001

There are many facets of relationships such as communication, political/social/economic/religious views, financial stability, emotional issues etc. However, having a deeper understanding of the person you are with will help you or ultimately break you in the end.  Every relationship is hard and takes work and dedication, but the base for a healthy relationship that is going to last will be dependent on if you have a solid FOUNDATION and this comes from a mature understanding.

If you’re running a business, conventional wisdom states that you’re a much more effective business owner if you study business in school, create well thought-out business plans, and analyze your business’s performance diligently. This is logical, because that’s the way you proceed when you want to do something well and minimize mistakes.

But if someone went to school to learn about how to pick a life partner and take part in a healthy relationship, if they charted out a detailed plan of action to find one, and if they kept their progress organized rigorously in a spreadsheet, society says they’re A) an over-rational robot, B) way too concerned about this, and C) a huge weirdo.

#compatibility

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xoxo

I Strive to be a Perfect Lover


My Definition of a Good Lover

Someone who gives you the last piece of shrimp.

Someone who will stand by you through hard times.

Someone who can read your mind and finish your sentences.

Someone who will tell you when you are wrong.

Someone who will bring you up when you are down.

Someone who finds pleasure in going the extra mile to please you.

Someone who will bring you chicken soup when you are sick.

Someone who will pick you up from the airport.

Someone who can afford my expensive dining habits. 😉

Someone who is willing to treat me like a Queen, because I’ll treat him like a King.

Someone who will call you just to tell you they love you.

Someone who cuddles in bed with you after making love, and doesn’t jump right in the shower.

A good kisser.
Someone not so damaged that they are afraid to love.

Someone who know’s the “abcs” are a worthless technique. ;D

Someone who is not selfish.

Someone who is thoughtful, and puts you in the equation without thinking twice.

A good lover properly gets you turned on and warms you up. 😉

Someone whose eyes are full. =D

Someone who’s secure and not jealous and possessive. If you have me, you got me.

Someone willing to learn.

Someone who makes you feel like the most beautiful girl that ever walked the planet.

Someone who makes you feel special just for waking up next to them.

Someone who is intelligent with words.

Someone who won’t let a little disagreement break you.

Someone who communicates through that argument.

Someone who is fun and youthful.

Someone who pushes my limits, challenges me, and inspires me.

Someone who can listen to my stoney talk and be on the same level.

Someone who loves me for who I am.

Someone who won’t judge me.

Someone who is patient with me, because hell we all know I have none.

Someone who is confident.

Perfect love is rare indeed – for to be a lover will require that you continually have the subtlety of the very wise, the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist, the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the tolerance of the scholar and the fortitude of the certain.

I strive to be a perfect lover.

xoxo

Kristie

Find a Man . . .


who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you don’t answer his call or hang up on him, who will lie under the stars to listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake to watch you sleep… wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are wearing no makeup and just came from the beach, who holds your hands in front of his friends.  One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you.  The one who turns to his friends and says, “that’s her.”

What Do I Want?


I am a free spirit. A wild woman, a maneater.  I require a strong alpha male, because I will suck all his power up if he is not strong enough to take me on.  I need someone who puts 100% trust in me, and knows no matter what I do, or how things may seem, or how flirtatious I may even be, my end game is him and at the end of the night I’m coming home to him. I’m not the cheating type.  I have been taken for a ride before, I have had my heart broken, and by no  means am I perfect.  I’ve even broke a few hearts.  But everyday is a winding road, and every heart broken is a new lesson learned, and new path carved.

If we become insecure, jealous people, it will never work out!  Jealousy is one of the most unattractive qualities to me.  From time to time, I have been known to be a jealous person.  But that was because the relationships foundations were tainted with trust issues and infidelity.  I will always try to conceal my jealousy.  As for insecurities, we must take it upon ourselves to make that special someone feel like they are the only one for you.   If they’re not, then why are you in it in the first place? Trust and communication is the foundation of a stable relationship. Take away that and it all crumbles from beneath you.  Remember when loyalty and being in love was enough?

If my husband, for example, came home from a trip and told me that he had slept with a hooker, but out of respect for me, was ridden with guilt, and had to tell me the truth, I’d be very upset.  However I’d probably forgive him.  I am after his soul, not his body.  Sex is merely physical.

“It’s not cheating unless you read poetry.”

I need someone who’s strong enough to let me be queen of my world, but still be the assertive male figure, an equal figure, not a dominating person, someone who will stand up to me  and tell me when I am wrong.  Someone I will respect, not someone I will walk all over.  Where do you draw the line without being my bitch?  I have had very subservient men in my life, but this bores me after a while.  I need someone who is going to accept me for who I am and not try to change me.  I never changed for anybody my entire life, why start now?  I am unique, and an acquired taste.  I am not for everybody.  You either love me, or you hate me.

Love is fleeting, we all wind in and out of love throughout a lifetime.  Some of us are afraid to fall in love again.  I like to jump into things head over heels.  Careless, some would say, but I say that I give 100% and I’m not afraid to have my heart broken.  Maybe I’m addicted to the extreme heights of the rushes of being in love, but I have learned to deal with the anguished lows of sad breakups, and dramatic heartbreaks as well.  Some people think I’m cold, because I can easily break up with someone on the opposite end…

“I’m not into this anymore, and I don’t want to take you for a ride.”  Some say that would be cold, being said to a guy utterly head over heels in love with you, but I call it honest.  Some people can’t handle the truth.  But I think the truth is far better than lies and confusing a person hurt with rejection.

Someday I will be loved.

I am Cupid!


So… inadvertently I am responsible for my friends horrible divorce.  Well, in all actuality, I am not, but we all need to blame someone.  But I am also responsible for his new marriage.  I try to ommitt friends from my blog, but I told her that I would blog about the day they were married, because I hooked them up.  Also… I get first child.  I didn’t know that day would be so soon! 

Over the Christmas holidays, I hooked up my best friend with one of my old friends.  2 days, they had caught on fire, and just a week ago, they got married in Vegas.   I dunno, if it’s true, or if they’re just messing with me, but here we go . . .  Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Manettas!  Let’s have a bachelor party when you get home!

VEGAS BABY!

xoxo

Kristie

The One That Got Away.


What would you do? Be the other woman? You’re an unconventional thinker. Secure with yourself and confident. This is not a desperate attempt of an insecure individual. The guy still loves you. He cheats on her with other girls, but it’s different  if he cheats on her with you. He feels guilty, because it’s not cheating unless you read poetry. And the 2 of you definitely read poetry together. Would you stare at a life on better legs and let it slide?

She’s 10 years older than him. She’s 40! Sure she’s safe. But he doesn’t love her like he loves you. He’s himself around you. Around her, he is always putting on a front. Do guys want the bad girl who you can always be open with, or the good girl you have to always lie to.  He wants to live a lie?

He still sends you those naughty iPhone pics.  And your timing is often wrong, but whenever you are coincidentally in town at the same time, which is rare, u spend the weekend together. You sit there quietly while he talks to the other woman on the phone.  You really want to giggle, or bust him with his girlfriend, but you don’t.  You ARE the other woman.

In your eyes he was perfect.  But as time went by, you realized those special places he took you to like Halekulani and your stomping grounds, Nobu, aren’t really special.  He takes her there too.   Are you a victim of a womanizer?

A week goes by and you are devastated and you miss him.  A year goes by and you are over it. Then the next time u fling with him, the vicious cycle begins all over again. You miss him again and are reminded that they are your one true love. That you wont stop loving them till the planets stop turning.  You could attempt what would appear to be a desperate attempt to win him back.  Or you can play it off and pretend it doesn’t matter, but suffer inside because you’d only be lying to yourself.  But you’re the other woman.  What would you do?

She thinks you’re a monster.  But you are just a victim of love.

xoxo

Kristie

I want to move to Bali.


“You don’t need a man, you need a champion.”

OMG Truth can’t be so far from that!  I just saw Eat, Pray, Love, and I am so inpressionable, and suddenly inspired to go to Bali.  I can’t go all over the world, as I don’t have the means to, and it would be hard on the Kai bug, but living in my little villa in Bali, just writing my blogs from there, meditating in the morning, doing yoga in the afternoon, teachin Kai to surf in the afternoon, finishing my studies online, enjoying life in Bali, maybe get into some exporting, that sounds like a wonderful life I can’t wait to have.

If you lived in Hawaii, you know that there is no place in the world like Hawaii.  The “Aloha” is strong.  The people are beautiful.  I love Hawaii, but I think to live in Hawaii, and come back forever, we need to venture out and see life, and the world, and bring back with us culture and experience, to share with Hawaii and grow.   I hear that Bali is the same way, except in a totally different way.  They call Bali the “Island of the Gods,” and it pertains extreme positive spiritual energy.  It will conjur up the negative person you are, or bring out the positive person.  It has a mysterious way of bringing out who you truly are.  If you are a jaded lawyer who lives in New York, representing murderers, have no soul, slept with your girlfriends mother, and will step on anyone to get where you want to get, Bali is probably not for you.  It will probably bring out all those evil energies.  This is why some people go to Bali, and are smitten with the positive energy.  Some people go there on vacation, and never leave.

Why do I want to go to Bali?  Because that stupid movie made me realize that I know that I am unbalanced, but if I just stay here in Vegas, I am accepting it, and doing nothing.  I am “staying in the relationship” that I am miserable in, Las Vegas, the industry, being imbalanced.  I’m taking a 180 degree turn and diving in.

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful.  Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.”

“I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.”

“This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.”

“One thing I do know about intimacy is that there are certain natural laws which govern the sexual experience of two people, and that these laws cannot be budged any more than gravity can be negotiated with. To feel physically comfortable with someone else’s body is not a decision you can make. It has very little to do with how two people think or act or talk or even look. The mysterious magnet is either there, buried somewhere deep behind the sternum, or it is not. When it isn’t there (as I have learned in the past, with heartbreaking clarity) you can no more force it to exist than a surgeon can force a patient’s body to accept a kidney from the wrong donor. My friend Annie says it all comes down to one simple question: “Do you want your belly pressed against this person’s belly forever –or not?”

“A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master.”

“Imagine that the universe is a great spinning engine. You want to stay near the core of the thing – right in the hub of the wheel – not out at the edges where all the wild whirling takes place, where you can get frayed and crazy. The hub of calmness – that’s your heart. That’s where God lives within you. So stop looking for answers in the world. Just keep coming back to that center and you’ll always find peace.”

“If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will protect upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else.”

” In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it’s wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices. We search for happiness everywhere, but we are like Tolstoy’s fabled beggar who spent his life sitting on a pot of gold, under him the whole time. Your treasure–your perfection–is within you already. But to claim it, you must leave the buy commotion of the mind and abandon the desires of the ego and enter into the silence of the heart.”

“Prayer is a relationship; half the job is mine. If I want transformation, but can’t even be bothered to articulate what, exactly, I’m aiming for, how will it ever occur? Half the benefit of prayer is in the asking itself, in the offering of a clearly posed and well-considered intention. If you don’t have this, all your pleas and desires are boneless, floppy, inert; they swirl at your feet in a cold fog and never lift.”

” A friend took me to the most amazing place the other day. It’s called the Augusteum. Octavian Augustus built it to house his remains. When the barbarians came they trashed it a long with everything else. The great Augustus, Rome’s first true great emperor. How could he have imagined that Rome, the whole world as far as he was concerned, would be in ruins. It’s one of the quietest, loneliest places in Rome. The city has grown up around it over the centuries. It feels like a precious wound, a heartbreak you won’t let go of because it hurts too good. We all want things to stay the same. Settle for living in misery because we’re afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins. Then I looked at around to this place, at the chaos it has endured – the way it has been adapted, burned, pillaged and found a way to build itself back up again. And I was reassured, maybe my life hasn’t been so chaotic, it’s just the world that is, and the real trap is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.”

“As smoking is to the lungs, so is resentment to the soul; even one puff is bad for you.”

” Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it. Balance is not letting anyone love you less than you love yourself. To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life.”

Look forward to blogging more about Bali.

xoxo

Kristie Manning