This whole postpartum experience has been immobilizing and has given me an opportunity to spend more time talking to Kai. We use to be closer. She is 11 and I’m trying to salvage our relationship before she becomes a teenager I don’t know. We are very close.
People asked me why I didn’t reach out to family. Well, we’re very different people and their idea of support is imposing their mormon beliefs on me that this was for the best because I’m not married and whatever else they’re thinking. Although I know their intentions are well, those are not the right words for me right now.
I noticed Kai’s math grades slipping and I had to believe it has to do with all the stress happening at home. She has been skimming her reading instead of slowing down and internalizing. It must be really an unhappy place for her to come home to right now. I feel like I haven’t been doing enough for her. And I want to take the opportunity to do focus my energies on her. The last few months have been all about me and I feel I’ve been neglecting her needs emotionally.
Kai is a smart cookie and she has so much potential and talent. She should be in sports, learning a foreign language, learning an instrument and art and digital media. She said she wants to play chess. I think that is a good idea for her cerebral side. And chess is good to keep the brain sharp and for logic development. We cleaned out the bookshelf yesterday and are going to get some new books for her to read. It’s really simple how a little bit of attention and encouragement can positively effect a child’s development.
I read the power of a name report… Kai is an Aries, a leader natural and her name Carolanne implies great power. My parent technique of being stern is negative for her growth and may hinder her natural leader tendencies. I have to learn how to be encouraging instead of downing her talents. As parents we have to learn what is the most conducive technique to hone their best potential. Kai generally is a good kid, but when I caught her lying about wearing my $180 fly knits which were now stained in red dirt, she was grounded immediately. She didn’t even fight me when I gave her “how could you do this to mommy when she’s going through a hard time” look. She knew what she had done. So I will keep her on grounding until the cleans them.
The most difficult thing I’ve been trying to figure out is how to get her to communicate. When discussing hard subjects she changes the subjects and avoids it. I have to drag out the hard emotions which usually end up in tears. But it’s usually through impatient force I get her to tell me what’s really going on. I’ve gotten her to open up on some subjects related to her father not being around, and her anger towards me for being a busy single mom, and now how she didn’t feel happy about her baby sister dying and how it was hard for her to help hold mommy down while I was sick and she was really unhappy. It was a hard time for everyone. I held her in my arms and hugged her and we hung out and played video games and did Nu Skin mud masks. (:
I’m still clueless what’s the positive way to get her to communicate with me. She is so guarded.. very secretive. I notice her friends talking about boys because she borrows my cell phone to text them or sometimes her conversations from my ipad connect to my iPhone. I don’t even see anything she says about boys. If she has an interest in boys, she is very guarded about them, unlike her gossipy friends. It’s so cute how she is at that age now. (: I’m glad she is making more friends at school now. I guess it’s time for that phone.
I’m going to put Kai in some kind of physical activities. Either she can continue boxing and Muay Thai at UFC gym or swimming or sport of choice. Have her learn a foreign language, possibly Japanese or Chinese. She wants to play chess. She doesn’t want to learn piano like her mom, but I’ll let her decide what kind of instrument she wants to play. And I will continue to help her hone her artistic skills. I’m very proud she won an art contest and her art was displayed at the Academy Art Museum. A little bit of attention can go a long way in giving a child what she needs. And I feel so horrible I have neglected some of her needs these last few months while I had a complicated pregnancy.
This experience has waken me up to not take time for granted. Time is precious. I felt like I had screwed up with Kai. I had her at a young age and didn’t share the enthusiasm I do now at turning her into a mini me. I had wanted a baby so I could have a second chance to do it right and create something amazing, but I forgot that I already have a mini piccasso who still needs me. ❤
I do want to try have a baby again some time in the next 4 years before I turn 35. It’ll be with complications but I know now what those issues are and how to face them. I want another little girl. (: But for now I’ll work on my first masterpiece a little bit longer.