I’m a writer. Some days when I have nothing to do, or I find my mind drifting, I lay in bed, open a bottle of cabernet, and grab some cheese and crackers and spend my day releasing all that is in my head. By sunset, often I have a headache, but I find these blog days very therapeutic. I often work problems out in my head, make discoveries on my own. I’m like my own free personal psychologist.
When I was younger, I was often frustrated with people not understanding me, especially my parents. This caused me to be a troubled teenager, and I believe, engraved a strong rebellious attitude in my personality. But I was afraid to express myself, because I felt oppressed by a dominating father who forced a Mormon household religion on me, which I did not agree with.
Sharing something a little personal with you…
I got locked up in Juvey hall when I was 13 and lived in different programs and group homes with other juvenile delinquent girls for several years of my teenage life in Provo, UT. That’s another story, you can read all about it in my crazy ass book, “No Love in the Champagne Room.” Anyhow… I found it very hard to get along with many of the girls. I had not developed my own self identity, frustrated with fitting in, I became somebody else. However, in these programs, we studied therapies and the art of communicating. It took years of being in programs, but I have learned to efficiently express myself. I’ve learned to be honest with myself, and express things in a cordial way. I’ve even studied psychology and thinking patterns which is quite useful.
I think it’s okay to disagree, but to respect others opinions at the same time. I think so many adults in this world are communicating on the level of 13 year olds still. They never fully understood how to properly form normal bonds with other human beings, or relate with people on a social norm. I’m thankful for what I have learned, but also, there are battle scars within me that run deep. I’m not perfect. I don’t always see the big picture. But if you explained it to me, and helped me to understand, I think that I could apologize if I was wrong, come to accept the truth, and move along without holding grudges or feeling any less of a person for being wrong. Sometimes people have so much pride that they are holding on to. They can’t be wrong. And often times… it’s never about who’s right or wrong, it’s about miscommunication. If there is no communication, there is nothing.
I’m good at expressing myself. I get frustrated when somebody can’t reciprocate their feelings, or help me understand their point of view. That is what it boils down to, not disagreeing, but understanding. The difficult part… finding the conclusion to the dilemma. Solving the problem. If you never take a step in the direction of diplomacy then there is no solution.