Forgiveness


To some of you this picture is meaningless… to me it means 1000 words.

15078537_1557706620922739_7270536946023135139_n

I cleaned out my atrocious closet today and half of the hallway closet boxes from 15 years old.  I found this little bracelet my ex gave me.  The mala beads were meant to protect me from anxiety and frustration at a time when I was going through a hard time being really unhappy at work.  It’s a cheap little trinket bought out of impulse off of Instagram clicks, but I appreciate the meaning behind it.

The person who gifted me this bracelet has done the unthinkable to me.  He has done things to me that are unforgivable.  He hasn’t even cared to apologize or ask for forgiveness or send me an apology email. Where people don’t go, they will not receive.  He’s done things that have scarred me and will forever impact my trust in men and love and relationships.

Friday night I went to Rum Fire to meet a friend after dinner and drinks at Monkeypod in Koolina.   I had this great drink: scotch, lemon, honey and fresh ginger.  It was spicy and smokey, but slightly sweet to the palette without over doing the sweeteness, with a slightly scotchy bitter after bite.  I was outside drinking a glass of wine on the ocean side bullshitting about politics, Trump and all the rioters with a young military kid.  I told him we can go slap Trump stickers on the cars at the riots lol.  My girlfriend came out to let me know we need to leave, that a friend of ours got in a fight w her boyfriend.  We bounced to the next club to reunite our friend with her fighting boyfriend.   I listened to my friend try to smooth out their wrinkles for a couple hours over the phone.  Dealing with drunken fights is never fun. 😦  What a wonderful friend she is to be so patient as to help her friends out, when she is in an equally drunken state as well.  They too had to forgive each other.

As we drove past an ex’s house from a few years ago, we started to talk about that relationship.  He’s been checking on me low key and I know that he cares about me, but that relationship ended in a truly horrible way.  Things have never been ironed out, and I never really forgave him.  He never asked for forgiveness.  I think he knew that no words could take back how bad he had treated me.  It was easier to just run away. I understand that my bitterness was never resolved.  To me, having a break is hard and I sent him an email apology and two years later he think it’s best to not respond.  That keeps me blinded and full of un-forgiveness.

As we drove up the marina, she played a voicemail from an old friend apologizing.  They had a mutual friend die and had a big fight.  She said her friend advised her not to answer or respond.  I feel like people who do not answer calls or return apologies are rude and it’s not a reflection of you; it’s a reflection of them; that they are unable to deal with complexities of the dynamics of whatever situation that may be.  It’s like they think they are too good to acknowledge your apology.  Or they have the “one-up.”  An apology is a hard thing to conjur up.  Honestly, I’ve only been apologized to a handful of times in my life by people who have did me wrong and genuinely were seeking forgiveness.  Ignoring an apology is like not dealing with your emotions because it’s easier to ignore it, put it on the back burner, and not acknowledge the drama.  That person was seeking a peace of mind when they came to you to apologize, and if you are unable to speak to them to confront your demons, then you too have not obtained peace of mind from whatever angers you.

I wore that bracelet last night after I found it.  I wanted to throw it away at first.  But then I put it on my wrist and remembered the kind gesture behind the bracelet.  He may have hurt me, and I may quite possibly never speak to him again, but I’m not dwelling on the anger anymore.  I didn’t wear it because of some silly nostalgic notion that I was being reminiscent of the past.  I wore it because I found forgiveness.

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

TO my BEST FRIENDS. Aquariuses, Libra’s and other Gemini’s ( and a few fire signs )


What would we do without friends when we break up with our boyfriends, or lose our job, or get in a fight with our other friends?   When we have dumb hoe girlfriends who sleep with our exes? Or guys that end up being jerks and standing you up for the evening? Having good friends is what keeps me going.  I have all of them to thank for everything!

KELLY!  A Leo.  From the NS.  Out in Hollywood doing the actress/modeling thing. I  had to repost this blog because I forgot her! LOL! I MISS HER SO MUCH!

Jay

My Aquariuan friend, even from prison, you are still in my life every day, always listening to my problems, and give giving me sound advice. I hope I cheer up your day as well.  One of my closest friends in Hawaii (even though your on the E.C. right now) you knucklehead!

Ashley

My baby sis. My opposite Gemini.  She’s 24, going on 42. Living in Santa Monica.  A fellow Gemini like myself. How would I describe you in 3 words? Mysterious. Sarcastic. Free.

M Lo

My friends call him “Rocker Dude”. A Sagittarius to the max.  FIRE ! He lives in Hollywood.  He’s in a rock band, 9 Electric. Thanx for listening to me bitch about boy problems, even though I know sometimes you’re not listening anyways. LOL! He was raised Mormon, just like me. ;/ He doesn’t take any bullshit, and he’s a good friend that you can expect honesty from.  He’s a hopeless romantic ladies. Nobody know’s me better than Mike.

Noah

Punk ASS!  Another Aquarius, my former personal trainer.  Noah you helped me through some dark times.

Raquel

My Libra Bonita chica in 702.  We tear it up at XS!  I miss you!

Kent

the best roommate in the world!  He has a beautiful voice!  Loves to sing Karaoke.  A Pisces and hopeless romantic. ;D

Carol

Why are all my friends Libra’s and Aquariuses?  Another Aquarius.  My Chilean chica! ❤ u!

Grace

Another Libra. Another “Jack Mormon”. Another good friend. A wine and art connoisseur, also a realtor. She won the free breast implants @ my MIss-Candy.com website-release party at Skyline. And believe me, she needed them! ;D Always protective of me. Intelligent, beautiful, tasteful and always classy. But still has the “rugged Wailua girl” in her.

Na Ya

One of my rugged Waianae girls. But you would never know in this pic. 😉  Hottie!

Portia

I’ve known this girl since highschool, and she amazes me with her free flowing skills. I  know this girl is down and has my back! Crazy Leo.  I get along with fire signs too.  Back in the juvey hall lock down days and throwing up in the bushes at Rocky Point cuz we’re too fucked up.

Cory

ANOTHER AQUARIUS! One of my new friends.  SHe’s a cool ass chick! Sexy as hell!  Down to party!  Sexy pic mama. ;D

Erin Moore.

One of my new friends as well.  She is a crazy party girl like ME!   A Libra also. 😉

Denise

ANOTHER LIBRA.  One of my other new friends.  I met her at Morimoto’s Social Brunch 2 months ago, and she has proven to be a cool ass chick, with Samoan feet. ;D

Juan-Cho

CRAZY GEMINI!  My gym buddy, graphic designer, web guy, lover, friend, gym buddy,  baby sitter, dish washer… is there anything this Mexican (I mean Columbian) can’t do!?!?  JUST KIDDING!  I LOVE YOU JUAN CHO!  I took this picture at my pool in Vegas btw… Isn’t it fabulous? 😀

“Chili Tequila”

ANOTHER GEMINI. My fellow classmate at IADT, babysitter, and volleyball team mate, watch out for Phil, he’s gonna be a famous fashion designer, this kid got MAD SKILLS!!!!

Johnny Lopez

One of my oldest friends, a Cancer, loves to surf, a sioux chef @ Nicks Ficks Market in Maui.Best friend you could ever ask for.  He’ll yell at you when you’re wrong.  He’ll stand up for you and yell at his friends when they are wrong.  Positive vibes whenever we hang out.  If I gotta get away, going to Maui for some R&R is always nice.  I love you Johnny!  And I love your cooking too. ;D

xoxo

The Sweetest Letter I Have Ever Had.


I Want Candy but why?

Candy is traditionally covered by a hard colored shell. It is often very sweet if nothing else. It is usually very intriguing in shape and is presented in an “oh so tempting”
fashion. The sweet shell, hard and tough to penetrate, covers what’s inside. Looking at it, when it’s done right, often makes you want to taste it not even knowing what’s inside. Like any good candy the colors that the shell come in are many. Every color of the rainbow but all somewhat similar when tasted. The shell and it’s colors are presented to you in various flavors you’ve tasted before so why taste them again? If you’re the type that enjoys candy frivolously then why not have a handful to wet your pallete? You know it will taste good even if you’ve tasted it a million times. You may even think, i’ll eat a full meal later so a few pieces of candy won’t spoil my appetite! Or maybe you long to have wants on the inside of the candy and this has nothing to do with your appetite or the intriguing colored shell?

You see after you’ve cracked the shell, you realize that it was only the beginning. It’s the starting point to all the real flavor, and complexity, that makes the whole thing work together. Shells are for protection aswell as a housing for soft sweet insides. The softness on the inside sometime’s can’t take any real shape without it’s hard outer casing. What most people don’t understand is that what is on the inside is often so good that it doesn’t even need to be cased up. It’s often just a clever presentation to showcase it’s incredible inside flavor. And even when it runs freely, as it often does when the shell is broken, it flows beautifully and often brings orgasmic joy to anyone willing and able to partake of it. Just watch a persons face when they get to the inside of the candy and you’d think they’d died and gone to heaven. The inside of this candy is soft and sweet like many others, but suprisingly complex. The shell of this candy leads you to believe the inside may not be what it’s cracked up to be but that’s not the case here. Being intrigued by the colorful shell is a given but what’s inside is what will actually reel you in here. That is if you can even get past the shell. Some candies have such a hard shell that you get frustrated with trying to get inside that you throw it away in anger, and often pain. This candy is no different and has a legendary hard outer shell. Every now and then someone bites through and realizes the inside is pretty special, and also worth talking about. Unfortunately, only real candy connoisseur’s know this, as many others are caught up in the hype never bothering to
go past the shell. Their loss.

Life can’t always be explained through a comparison of the make-up of a sugary treat. As a matter of fact it rarely can be, and often shouldln’t be done. It’s probably not an applicable comparison in many aspects to be perfectly honest. In this case it kind of is though. The comparison of this persons personalitie(s) through the 2 main components of candy make so much sense that i had to write it down. In this case it works because one person embodies both the bittersweet hardness, and sweet softness we’ve all come to know, and clearly be synonomous with what makes up candy. It doesn’t hurt that whom i’m really speaking of has
nicknamed herself Candy either.

People will always decide things for themselves. Often because of what someone else around them has decided first but they will decide eventually. Hopefully people can decide to show a little more appreciation for what’s on the inside
than the flashy outside. Just like with a piece of candy. And in this particular case maybe those very same people will take a little more time to let her know that breaking thru her shell was worth it, and that the real goldmine is what’s inside and not just her colorful shell. In my recent bout with candy, i undoubtedly enjoy what’s waiting for you on the inside 100 to 1 over the outside. The main ingredient, and most popular one, of candy, is the sugar. But the best part of it to me, by far, is Kristie Manning.

– *M.Lopez*

I am Cupid!


So… inadvertently I am responsible for my friends horrible divorce.  Well, in all actuality, I am not, but we all need to blame someone.  But I am also responsible for his new marriage.  I try to ommitt friends from my blog, but I told her that I would blog about the day they were married, because I hooked them up.  Also… I get first child.  I didn’t know that day would be so soon! 

Over the Christmas holidays, I hooked up my best friend with one of my old friends.  2 days, they had caught on fire, and just a week ago, they got married in Vegas.   I dunno, if it’s true, or if they’re just messing with me, but here we go . . .  Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Manettas!  Let’s have a bachelor party when you get home!

VEGAS BABY!

xoxo

Kristie

Last Call For Booty Call


So, as you all know, I am moving back to Hawaii.  2 long years in Las Vegas, and I am finally over it.  Spending time in Hawaii in October and December put things into perspective.  Hawaii is the bomb!  And why the fuck would anyone move from Hawaii to Vegas?  Yeah, I guess Vegas is a good place to make money, and that’s about it.  I made a lot of acquaintences along the way, and made some fun international/travel friends, but it is definitely not the place for me.

I am a sexually experienced woman, not afraid to be promiscuous, but I am not easy, and do not sleep with anybody, unless I intended to in the first place.  I”m not a prude or a game player.  I do what I want, and if that includes sleeping with you, then I don’t want to be judged for it.  Did you know that a woman knows, the first time she makes eye contact with you, whether or not she is going to sleep with you?  Yes, that decision is made the first second she lays eyes on you.  But sometimes there are more factors than that.

Since I have been back for a week in Las Vegas, a handful of men have decided to confess their affections for me.  Why wait now?  I’m sure if they did a year ago, that I would have dated them.  I probably liked them (some of them) at one point or another too.  But after becoming friends, you get passed that “crush” state.  Supposedly, I am intimidating, and most guys are afraid to even try to make the move because they are afraid of rejection.  Well, my friends, 2010 was a dry year for me, and I think if more men had the courage to even ask me out, I probably would have dated them.  But that goes to show how many men are cowards. 

So why are they all suddenly confessing their affections for me, now that I am leaving, and they have no chance of sleeping with me?  Are men all typical?  They want that last call booty call.

Last Call Jalapeno Popper Dorito’s are the best!

xoxo

Kristie