A Piece of Me


I want to share something very personal and raw with you because it was good and it was bad, but it made me feel and it was real.

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I was 13 weeks when I got to the doctor and found out I was having a girl to my surprise.  A human being was growing in me, and a second trimester abortion is out of the picture at this point.  I know that I’ve wanted this for a long time, but right now wasn’t the best of time.  The father had been bullying me into getting an abortion.  He broke my heart when he told me that he was with his ex.  Not only did I have to deal with an unwanted pregnancy on my own, I had to deal with the heartbreak and the judgement from society as I continued on my second pregnancy without the father.  I felt womanized into something that was completely fake.  Basically EVERYTHING he had ever told me was a lie.  That he had zero sperm count, that he wanted a family, the he wanted to build a life with me.  Even the person he pretended to be which was the complete opposite of what he truly was come to be.  He offered zero help and even changed his phone number, then had a lawyer and his mother  call me threatening me with getting full custody if I didn’t abort the baby.  He couldn’t help me to doctors visits when I was on bed rest, and when my daughter called him to take me to the emergency room, he hung up.  I couldn’t believe that my judgement was so poor in to trust someone so spineless and selfish.  I never did anything to him except love him, even when he broke my heart, I was understanding and empathetic to his feelings.  I don’t like to make myself out to be a victim, but this is why I see no point in making yourself vulnerable.  People take advantage of weakness.  There is a world full of hurt out there, and I refuse to be one to continue the cycle.  I begin with healing myself and keeping to myself rather than selfishly hurt others because I have my own selfish pains to deal with.  At the end of the day it was simple.  He hates himself and he’s selfish and people who hurt others and gain joy from it only do so because of low self esteem.

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I was unemployed, I just got over 2 months of pertussis and bed rest (whooping cough) and had depleted my savings account and quit my job.  It was around the time of the Ikaika show in June that I got pregnant, my period was a week late every month so I assumed I wasn’t pregnant and this was just due to a low body fat percentage and 3 consecutive shows in a 6 week period.  I continued an aggressive training regiment and unhealthy supplement intake during the entire time.  Now concerned for the baby’s well being I had genetic and multiple ultrasounds done.  Everything looked fine to my surprise!  I grew attached and excited for baby to come.  Although at first she didn’t like the idea of sharing Mommy’s attention, Kai grew excited that she is going to have a new baby sister.  At week 19 I went in for a second ultrasound and QUAD blood genetic test.  They sent me straight to ER where I spent the night.  They told me my cervix was dilated and I had minor ruptured membranes.  The baby’s amniotic sac had moved 4 cm through the cervix and into the vagina and has slowly been leaking.  Doctors advised me I had 24-48 hours before she miscarried.  I had no pain and felt fine, so I didn’t put stock into what they said.  They urged me several times to have a medical abortion, but I ignored their advice because I didn’t want to play god.  I didn’t want to be the one to pull my baby out of me piece by piece alive, feeling everything.  I had hope.

I stayed in bed for two weeks.  My friend Jack constructed me a 2′ decline lift for my bed as my regular OB optimistically suggested.  This kept baby in.  During this time I started a go fund me page to help me pay bills.   I thank everyone for the generous amount of support I had received.  It was extremely hard for me to ask for help.  It’s hard for me to accept judgement from others which I knew was happening from some negative comments.  I discovered new friends, and discovered the fake ones and strengthened current ones. I had been falling behind and I was suppose to start my new job in 2 days waitressing part time at Outback which now wasn’t going to happen.  Daily pain started to kick in as my uterus got agitated.  Sips of wine would help stop contractions.  2 weeks went by and wine didn’t stop the contractions.  At 21 weeks and 2 days, I went into the ER because the contractions got stronger and closer apart and wine no longer was stopping them. Unlike two weeks ago, this time my amniotic fluid was low and my leaks were pink suggesting light bleeding.

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Sadly, they notified me that the quad test I had taken came back for a high probability of down syndrome.  In the middle of a contraction: what a terrible time it was for them to tell me.  Not a geneticyst, she was unable to give me more information.  My heart was broken.  To my understanding, this test is highly unprobbable.  I come to find out, leaking amniotic fluid can most likely trigger false positives due to elevated hormones in the test.  The only way to get a 99% confirmation is an amniocentesis, one of my most feared prenatal procedures, where they stick a long needle into your uterus to obtain fluid from the amniotic sac via your abdomen.

I was sedated with pain medication  which stopped my contractions, but was unable to sleep.  I lied in the dark with my eyes closed crying by myself.  I didn’t want her to go yet.  I had fought this hard to make it two weeks.  12 more days and she could make it.  I was determined to hold on.  At 3 am the doctor entered my room to tell me my white blood count was high insinuating infection which was most likely the uterine pain I was experiencing.  Chorioamnionitis is highly dangerous to the mother if the infection causes a fever and to the baby which if survived is at elevated risk for meningtis and brain damage. I didn’t have a fever so my logic was to not give up. Why is this happening to me?  I suddenly decided I have to stop.  I stopped fighting.  Doctor brought in suppositories to help with contractions and to my suprise I was already 7 cm dilated  and her head was already very low in delivery position.  Contractions weren’t coming.  Only one contraction came and I felt the need to push.  So I decide to help her end her suffering.  The contractions weren’t coming but she was small enough for me to push at 7 cm without epidural or contractions.  She was delivered in only minutes. Seraphim Ossa Manning was born at 5:30 am, on election day, November 08, 2016, 21 weeks and 2 days, 12.2 oz., 12 days too early for the lungs to be viable outside of the womb.  I now know that she wanted to go and this was gods will.  I was too stubborn holding on.  I was filled with bitersweet sadness, but also with peace knowing that this was gods way.  Instead of brutally ripping her pieces apart with an abortion, I had a calm labor, and I had a chance to kiss her forehead and hold her warm in my arms.  She didn’t appear to have anything physically wrong with her.  She did not appear to have down syndrome.  Her development was healthy.  My body couldn’t carry her any longer, and my health was at risk and it was my body’s natural way of telling me it’s time to let go.

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Don’t give up hope.  Don’t listen to a doctors first opinion.  Get a second.  My OBGYN took great comfort and hope in comparison to what the doctors had given me which was fear in the hospital.  The doctors had scared me so many times into giving up.  The infection hadn’t set in and I felt like I could’ve made 12 more days if I really held on.  I feel like she was going 2 weeks ago but with my stubbornness we held on.  The mind is a powerful thing and the body will follow.  I truly feel the only reason she held on was because I stayed in bed and refused to quit.  I’m trying to let go and accept that far worse things could’ve happened and this is for the best.  My heart is broken in 1000 pieces. I will never forget Serah.  And now I have to do my best to pick up my broken pieces.

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I will never be an advocate for abortion.  I want to acknowledge that when I had unprotected sex, I was aware of taking responsibility for my actions.  I am aware that I am fully capable of caring for a child no matter the circumstances.  I am a 31 year old single mother and this decision came with a mature choice and sense of responsibility.  I feel that many younger women are not mature enough to fully understand the implications of their actions.  It is too easy to go to an abortion clinic.  I have had an abortion in the past.  My younger political views strayed towards pro choice.  While today I am Pro Life personally for myself, however I am in the middle, as I believe politics should not have a say in this matter, and this controversial topic should not be used to sway election votes.   I also believe that this atrocity should not be funded with federal tax money.  Adoption is another option if you are not responsible or ready to take care of a child.  Juno is one of my favorite movies.  Her spirit through a bad situation is inspiring.  I find it disgusting that people find it so simple to erase a bad mistake by killing it.  Piece by piece, ripping a child out of a womb while it is still alive, feeling every pain.  I will deal with my actions accordingly and not make an innocent baby suffer because I made poor decisions.  Once you have an abortion you realize how monsterous it truly is.  I vowed never to do it again.

 Did you know that 45% of abortionees undergo multiple abortions.  I do not know which is more disturbing to me.   That 45% find it ok to take the easy way out and repeat their mistakes, or that the majority of these abortions were with women under 25 years of age and that over 70% of abortions are performed for convenience rather than medical reasons or rape and incest. I know only a women can make that decision for herself.  There are options.  Please don’t hurt your baby because you made a selfish decision.  Do the right thing.

WORLDWIDE

Number of abortions per year: approximately 42 million
Number of abortions per day: approximately 115,000

Where abortions occur:
83% of all abortions are obtained in developing countries and 17% occur in developed countries.

© Copyright 1996-2008, The Guttmacher Institute. (http://www.agi-usa.org)

UNITED STATES

Number of abortions per year: 1.21 million (2005)
Number of abortions per day: approximately 3,315

Who’s having abortions (age)?

50% of women obtaining abortions in the U.S. are younger than 25: women aged 20-24 obtain 33% of all abortions; teenagers obtain 17%; and girls under 15 account for 1.2%.

MORE FACTS http://www.abortionno.org/abortion-facts/

This whole experience has changed my life forever.  It has been a humbling experience not to take time with Kai for granted.  That all life is precious.  To not waste another day being unhappy because life is too short to throw away settling for complacency.  It has breathed life into a life that has been lacking for a long time.  

“When everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you’re alive.” Goo Goo Dolls. Iris.


Please pray for Serah

You can follow the story and updates at
https://www.gofundme.com/prochoiceconflict

xoxo

the “Invisible Children”


“There is an invisible war in Africa: one man, Joseph Kony, terrorizing 4 countries.”

“It is the longest running conflict on the continent, and the soldiers are children abducted from their homes and forced to fight.”

“We are a movement seeking to end this conflict and bring them home.  We seek to rebuild schools, educate future leaders, and provide jobs in Northern Uganda.  We are the modivated misfits and masses redefining what it means to be an activists.”

My heart goes out to the children of Africa, especially the families.  I can’t even begin to fathom how it would feel to have your child taken from you.  And to live with the scars of being a child soldier.  It is so sad how low a greedy person will go to get what he wants.

You can donate money and read more at http://invisiblechildren.force.com/landing/s4s

or you can help for FREE by taking 10 minutes of your time to click on the right link on my wall under “Social Vibe”

Silk Ropes and Handcuffs


In all of your sexual experimentation, I  am sure at one time or another you have bust out some furry handcuffs, or used blindfolds to enhance your sexual experience.  Bondage can get extreme, with dominating and submissive roles, to a point of extreme torture, pain and of degrading nature. I even knew of someone who shit on a glass coffee table, a degrading act, to please her extremely dominating husband.  I prefer a simple in between.  I enjoy being dominated to a certain extent, but never degraded.  Perhaps, I enjoy the power of being submissive.  I have to control the power to make a man feel dominant.  Only I have the power to submit to him, and I can only allow this if I  trust him to some degree.  This makes me a good “switch.”  A switch can expertly play both dominant and submissive roles.

This position can be very fun for beginners (minus the mask) often they wrap the rope around the neck, giving u a gentle choke if you pull away or try to fight, a natural reaction for some, especially when orgasming.  The ropes in a harness also are wrapped around the genitals.  I have silk ropes so they do not hurt.  The rubbing of the ropes in erotic areas can create pleasure.

Asian Rope Bondage

How to tie a basic rope harness. My favorite, but simple  tie, you can have a lot of fun with.

Water bondage can be a little more extreme form of the art.

Pornstar Jandi Lin, one of my favorite tattoo beauties from Hawaii, is a true submissive.  Some of her bondage work can get extreme.  Here are a few pics, but I had to keep it rated R, so you  can google “bondage jandi lynn” for more.  One of my favorites is where she wears a latex mask and has clothespins pinched to her skin, each one cm apart in a line, curving around her body in a design.  A small string is under the clothes pins suggesting one tug can create a chain of sensation.  A hard photo for me to find.  If anyone can find it, let me know.

Explore your limits, and always have a safe word, in case it gets too rough.

xoxo

Kristie

Wednesday Night Adventures


So I decided that I was going to work early @ Rick’s and leave late, so I can try to leave with a g.  I made $300 off of a customer which turned out to be vice.  While sitting with him in the VIP lounge, he flashed me his badge.  I was afraid, perhaps I did something wrong, that I was going to jail, and my heart stopped.  Then he showed me his VICE card too.  He told me that he is just human, and wants to have fun, and apart from work, wants to take me out.  So I said OK.  We clicked, and he gave me his number.   I usually wouldn’t do that, but hey, I’m single, and I’m not doing anything, so I said sure, we can go gambling next week at the Bellagio or grab some dinner.

So, I was in the back locker room telling some of the girls my scary encounter with VICE.  Perhaps, more were out there still.  One of the girls got sassy with me.

“Firemen have badges.  It could’ve been anyone.”  I continued to explain to her that I saw his VICE card.  “Oh, you can actually see his badge in the dark?” she cockily replied.

“Yeah, you know, before you hit a certain age, your eyes still work pretty well in the dark.”  She flipped out.  I’m pretty calm when people whom I don’t give a shit about have something stupid to say.   She went off calling me stupid, fat, ugly, and that I’m the new girl that nobody likes.  That I walk around talking shit about all the other girls… yadi yadi yada…

“Hmmmm… Perhaps she can hear my conversations over all that loud music.  Or maybe she can read my mind.”  I am thinking and laughing to myself.  I know for a fact that I don’t sit around and hate on other girls.  I’m confident with myself, and only girls that are insecure with themselves have to bring down other girls to make themselves feel better.  In fact, when I met her and her friend, I told them how beautiful they are.  So where does she get off saying that I talk shit?  That’s just not me.  I try to see the positive in everyone.

“Perhaps nobody likes me because they’re jealous,” I think to myself  , but don’t say, because that’s how strippers are.  Insecure and jealous.  They don’t know how to come together and get along and they can’t stand competition.

“Fat?”  Hmmmm…  I’m a size 0.  I have an intense routine.  That’s some funny shit, I think to myself!

So while she is screaming at the top of her lungs at me, security walks in, and I am laughing while I eat some chicken soup.  We get sent home for the night.  Totally bummed I didn’t leave with a G.  It was slow for everyone, which is why I’m sure they were hating, I just spent the last 45 minutes in the VIP room.

So I decide to go meet a friend at Blue Martini.  I’ve known this guy off of Facebook for a year now, but have never really met.  I head out to Blue Martini and tell him to meet me by the restrooms.  While I’m trying to get in the restroom 3 intoxicated girls are arguing in front of the door, one of them clutching onto the door handle for balance.  I say excuse me, repeating 3x and getting louder.  When they ignore me, and I see that they are drunk, I finally grab the door handle and open the door over them, pushing them out of the way.  They started screaming at me profanities.  I’m seriously not in the mood at this point.  I don’t want to get fired from Rick’s, but Blue Martini, I can care less if I’m kicked out of there.  However, I had to pee really, really bad, so I ignored them and ran into the stall.

So when I meet my friend that I have never met, he is intoxicated and a little dopey.  So I decide to go home.  He figures that he is going to walk me to my car.  I told him no, that won’t be necessary, but he decides to anyways.  So I tell him that he can walk me 10 feet to my car.  When we get to the parking lot, I tell him goodnight, but he doesn’t listen and insists on walking me to my car.  I’m straight up, so I tell him that my car is dirty, and there’s lots of junk in it, and it’s embarrassing.  He doesn’t listen, so I literally run away and hide behind an Escalade, while I watch him sneak off from under the car, I sneak across the parking lot to my car.

When I get home there’s a drunk guy standing in front of my car critiquing my parking.  Supposedly I took a long time to park.  I was sitting in my car for a minute on my phone.  I have these crazy young new neighbors who get drunk every night.  It was annoying.  Then when I got inside the house, he was standing outside my window for a whole hour.  It was creepy.

What a fucking crazy night!

I’m over clubs, people with anger issues, who can’t handle their alcohol and don’t know their limits.

Speaking of drunks, here are some funny pictures of drunk people.

Drink Responsibly

xoxo

Kristie Manning

Thunder Down Under


Monday night I went Las Vegas’s “Thunder Down Under” male review show, at the Excalibur Casino, with my girl Gloria.  We were really late and only saw the last couple acts.  The announcer, Marcus was super funny, and super flirty.  (he told me I was a cute lil thing) ;D  After the show, we went up and got pictures for $20.  As I exited the stage, Marcus grabbed my ass, and Donovan squeezed my boob.  ;O  I was wearing a corseted D&G dress with a high slit, and when I got my picture, I noticed my ass cleavage hanging out the bottom of my dress. oops! LOL!  THe guy @ the end collecting the $ ( I don’t remember his name & he’s not on the website ) told us that he could get us comped tickets since we missed the show and introduced us to his supervisor, Justin, who happens to be a dancer for American Storm, another male review show.  (Thanks Justin) ;D  So I decided to go again Tuesday to see the entire show.  We continued out into the casino area where all the guys sign your picture or merchandise that you purchase.

There’s a lot of mixed reviews out there on the internet.  I agree, it’s definitely not the way a woman wants to be turned on or seduced.  But ladies, that’s not what the show is about.  It’s entertainment.  It’s fun.  It’s completely what I expected!

Gloria was mad at me because she has this weird thing about being glued to the person she goes to the club with, then after you’re drunk, springs it on you that you’re designated driver.  After the show we went to XS and got drunk, and she wanted me to drive her home drunk.  I had to refuse.  So she was mad at me for supposedly “ditching her.”  So I ended up taking Juan with me.

The show opened up with Jack Sparrow.  I love Jack Sparrow.  He’s got to be the sexiest character alive.  And Donovan comes out as Jack Sparrow.  I loved it!  But my favorite part of the show happened to be the fake orgasm contest.  If I went up, I would have guaranteed won that contest!   Haha!  The girl that won, was a bigger African American lady.  She was going to town, and rocking and locking and screaming “oh lord!”  It was hilarious.

The show was entertaining for both sexes, male and female, and all ages, young adult, to senior citizens.  It was high energy, choreographed dancing, mixed with entertaining moves, each unique by each dancer.  I loved the commentator Marcus the most.  He was the funniest and most entertaining.  And sexiest dancer goes to the one with the pretty hair, Donovan.  But I think the best entertainer was the fire fighter guy.  I think he was the best dancer, when it comes to movement and energy.   When he came out into the crowd and jumps on one of the tables, he spills water all over him, and it really got the crowd going.

http://www.thunderfromdownunder.com

xoxo

Kristie Manning

Have you ever had your ass kicked?


Yeah.  My baby sister was having problems with her friends at school, so I had to go down there and regulate and tell them to knock it off… or else. LOL!

We fought 3 times.  One time we were in the field at a football game because I was friend with one of her friends, and they all decided to jump me.  They thought they were some gangsta’s or something and if I wanted to hang with them I had to get jumped.  One of the girl’s was really nice, I don’t know why she did it.  But then Jake Merill, the sweet heart, was friends with my sister, and he helped me.  I was on the ground holding my stomach and my blocking my head and they all were taking turns kicking me.  He saved me that time.  I limped off into the dark field.

So later now that Tonica knows me she doesn’t like me.  I don’t even know why.  It was really for no reason.  She was a year older than me, and about 8″  taller and 40 lbs bigger than me.  I didn’t even really know her.  She happened to be one of the girl’s big sister whom my little sister didn’t like, and she came to regulate me.  I’m a brave person and don’t run away from fights.  All the girl’s are scared of Tonica, she’s a pretty big girl.  So at least I got props for not running away or crying.  I took my beating.  She mounted me, and punched me one time in the eye.  I had a nasty black eye.  She got me good this time.

The last time we fought we were at a football game.  I had my bike, so I jumped off of it.  Upset about the other times we fought, my black eye, and feeling outnumbered, she was alone.  I punched her in the face.  I was pissed. Then she pushed me and I fell over my bike and it was over because there was a cop right there.

Funny thing after all these years, I find her on FB, and she apologizes.  Kids do stupid things.  It’s funny how we grow up and grow out of things.

Top 10 Bad GIrl Club Fights

Funny as hell girl fight compilation

Girl beats up guy (in the ring)

This cage fight, this girl has this guy running away, she even kicks him to the face and he drops.

This one is CrrAAAZZZY

I love a good girl fight.  One time I was at Blush in the bathroom and they had a fight with me in the middle and dropped their drinks all over me.  LOL

Or here’s another story about a girl who I gave cracks to.  LOL!  I was in the bathroom at Club 939 in Honolulu and some drunk girls wiped her hands on me.  I was like wtf!  And started complaining to my friend, a waitress working there.  Just then the girl’s friend’s come out of the stall and try to justify it, she’s drunk kay.  Well then apologize, don’t get it my damn face about her being a stupid drunk!  Dumb local girls.

So later on in the night, my good friend Chucky was nice and offered to share his booth with them, since it was only him and another friend.  Chucky’s my really good friend so I came by to say hi.  Stunned they were sitting there, I told him the story about what happened earlier in the restroom.  I ignored it, because she was just drunk, and working there I deal with drunk people.  But her friend, the taller, loud mouth Hawaiian had to say something and bring it up.

I told her get the fuck away before I have her thrown out.  Drunk she started to get in my face and I laughed.  Why is she getting in my face when she should be apologizing for her friend.  I told her get out of my face, before I beat your ass, and then have you thrown out.  By then they’re making a scene and get thrown out.  Their guy friend during all this is getting arrested too for getting in a fight.  I guess the girl is friend’s with one of the bouncers, so he asks me, if she is cool can they come back in.  And I’m like yeah, I don’t care, she’s starting shit, I’m just trying to work.

So the whole night goes on by with no drama, and I go back to talk to my friend Chucky the last 5 minute before closing.  This time a shorter girl comes up to me… and this is how it goes.

“So you worked here long time?”

“Yeah since we re-opened, I’m one of the original girls.”

“Oh yeah, I”ve never seen you here before.”

“That’s because I’ve worked at FEmmes and Rockza, and I go to Vegas a lot.”

“Oh yeah, where do you work in Vegas?”  I was getting irritated with the 20 question’s and was wondering were this was going.  Shortly, I answered . . .

“Spearmint Rhino.”

“Oh! Do they act like mousy fucking bitches up there too?”

Laughing, I stood up, told her. . .

“Here, hold my beer.”  I passed her my Heineken, took off my 9 inch stilettos, and I pounded her face to a bloody pulp with my shoes.  The taller girl at this point jumped in and pulled my hair.  I continued to swing at both of them with my shoes,   and I flipped the other girl over me to get her away.  But she had her fingers in my hair so I fell back and rolled onto the table that had about 50 shots on top of it.  The security held me back and the girl kept yanking my hair.

I yelled at Angus for holding me back because nobody held her back and that left me vulnerable to hits.  He was holding the wrong person back.  Or maybe he did it on purpose.  Who knows?  Luckily she was stuck in my hair.  Her friends’ face was all gashed up, and she had a shiner on her cheek bone and her fore head with small cuts.  I was good, I just had a bad headache from getting hair ripped out, and went to the bar and had a shot of patron while they threw them out screaming. LOL!

xoxo

Kristie Manning

xoxo

Kristie Manning