I’m Pregnant!


I told my daughter… I just had a really big dinner.  She started to rub my belly.

“Is it a boy a girl?”  She questioned.  “Now you have to go the hospital.”  She wants a girl.  “Good Luck sister!”  I sense a bit of jealousy.  It immediately soaked in, she immediately stated that she’s getting more attention because she is in mommy’s belly.   Then she got smart and exclaimed that I’m not pregnant.  “Mommy, you don’t have milk in your breast.”  OMG she is cracking me up!

She just asked me… “How did God make us alive?  Does he hate blank?  So he created?”  LMFAO!  “Maybe Grandma Linda knows.”  My Mom is religious. I’m sure she taught her about Genesis.  I told her God made us with Play Dough.  Who knows?!

I said what if it’s a boy?  I dunno, you change his diaper everyday, you take care of him.  But you do it because you’re his mommy.  I started to wiggle my tummy and she started to giggle and kept insisting I am not pregnant.

If I was pregnant, this would be my second.  But it made me think, Kai Bug needs a little sister to boss around, and get out of my hair. LOL!  The idea of 2nd child syndrome came up.  Personality traits determined by birth order.  lfred Adler, an Austrian psychiatrist who lived around the same time as Sigmund Freud, was one of the first theorists to suggest that birth order may influence personality.  He suggested that birth order leaves a life-long impression on one’s style of life, the way s/he deals with friendship, love, and work. Other things that influence a person are parental attitude, illnesses, disabilities, gender, and the social, economic and religious situation of the family. Other things that should be considered along with birth order are the spacing of years between the siblings, the total number of children, and the parent’s situation over time. The influence of birth order on the development of personality has long been a controversial issue in psychology. Some are in strong agreement that birth order does affect personality, and others disagree completely.

The middle or second child will always be competing for the lime light with the oldest and youngest children. This is one of the main causes of middle or second child syndrome.  Second or middle children usually bemoan their fate as being ignored by everyone in the family. They may grow resentful or all the attention given to the oldest and youngest of the family. Second born children will often try to be the exact opposite in personality, interests, etc. from the first born child. S/he will often do almost anything for parental attention, even if that means being naughty. Parents tend to be much easier and less demanding on the second and third children. Middle or second children have to compete to be heard or noticed, and therefore crave the spotlight in other ways. They may be the loud, boisterous child in school. They may be the center of all their friends’ events.

I am a middle child.

Since we’re talking about pregnancy…


Thomas Beatie, also known as The Pregnant Man, has given birth to a girl, he confirms to PEOPLE exclusively.

Beatie, 34, who began life as a woman and legally switched to a male identity, while preserving his female reproductive organs, and his wife Nancy, 46, welcomed a daughter at an Oregon hospital on June 29. Both Beatie and his daughter are healthy and doing well, he tells PEOPLE.

Beatie, who took twice-weekly doses of testosterone and had his breasts surgically removed during his female-to-male transition, made headlines around the globe last April when he announced in an exclusive interview in PEOPLE and on The Oprah Winfrey Show that he was expecting a child – while legally living as a man.

LMFAO! Reminds me of that season in L Word when Jenny Shecter has that butchy girlfriend, Max Sweeny, and she got pregnant.  Did Max kill Jenny BTW?

If I was a lesbian… I’d be with Maxx.  She’s SMOKIN!

I Hate Narrow Minded People Who Can’t See Past Their Nose.


I’m a writer. Some days when I have nothing to do, or I find my mind drifting, I lay in bed, open a bottle of cabernet, and grab some cheese and crackers and spend my day releasing all that is in my head.  By sunset, often I have a headache, but I find these blog days very therapeutic.  I often work problems out in my head, make discoveries on my own.  I’m like my own free personal psychologist.

When I was younger, I was often frustrated with people not understanding me, especially my parents.  This caused me to be a troubled teenager, and I believe, engraved a strong rebellious attitude in my personality.  But I was afraid to express myself, because I felt oppressed by a dominating father who forced a Mormon household religion on me, which I did not agree with.

Sharing something a little personal with you…

I got locked up in Juvey hall when I was 13 and lived in different programs and group homes with other juvenile delinquent girls for several years of my teenage life in Provo, UT.  That’s another story, you can read all about it in my crazy ass book, “No Love in the Champagne Room.”  Anyhow… I found it very hard to get along with many of the girls.  I had not developed my own self identity, frustrated with fitting in, I became somebody else.  However, in these programs, we studied therapies and the art of communicating.  It took years of being in programs, but I have learned to efficiently express myself.  I’ve learned to be honest with myself, and express things in a cordial way.  I’ve even studied psychology and thinking patterns which is quite useful.

I think it’s okay to disagree, but to respect others opinions at the same time. I think so many adults in this world are communicating on the level of 13 year olds still.  They never fully understood how to properly form normal bonds with other human beings, or relate with people on a social norm.  I’m thankful for what I have learned, but also, there are battle scars within me that run deep.  I’m not perfect.  I don’t always see the big picture.  But if you explained it to me, and helped me to understand,  I think that I could apologize if I was wrong, come to accept the truth, and move along without holding grudges or feeling any less of a person for being wrong.  Sometimes people have so much pride that they are holding on to.  They can’t be wrong.  And often times… it’s never about who’s right or wrong, it’s about miscommunication.  If there is no communication, there is nothing.

I’m good at expressing myself.  I get frustrated when somebody can’t reciprocate their feelings, or help me understand their point of view.  That is what it boils down to, not disagreeing, but understanding.  The difficult part… finding the conclusion to the dilemma.  Solving the problem.  If you never take a step in the direction of diplomacy then there is no solution.

My Blurry New Years


It started off by having drinks all afternoon at Femme Nu, where 3 of my girlfriends, and 2 other guys met me at Ichiriki for dinner.  We got bombed on beer, sake, guavatinis and shiso mojitos.  After that we all parked our cars at Pearl and consolidated.  Stacy and I walked in Pearl to use the bathroom before we head out to Yard House.  On the way to Yard House, she discovers she left her iPhone at Pearl and continued to call it until the bathroom attendant answered it.  They dropped us off and went back to get their phone.  The 4 of us walked over to Rum Fire where I lost my friends and watched the fireworks from the beach alone.  My other 2 friends, now back at Yard House, and my other friend who just met up txt me to come back to Yard House.  My phone is about to die, so I jump in a cab and head back to Yard House in the middle of the fireworks.  My phone is blowing up with about 10 people that I am suppose to meet at Kelly Oneil’s down the street. 

It’s 5 after midnight, and my girlfriend is wasted and wants to go downtown to see her Dad by Bar 35.  I have a lot of friend’s waiting for me, and I tell her that we should go to down the street to Kelly’s for 30 minutes, then we can go downtown for the rest of the night.  She didn’t listen and just left.  I figured she was wasted, but I was pretty pissed, and I told her to just go home, and not come meet up with us later.  Regardless, my other 3 friends came back from Rumfire, and we all walked over to Kelly Oneil’s. 

As we walked out of Yard House, 15 minutes after midnight, I got a hysterical call from some guy’s girlfriend.  I guess the night before I had met somebody, read my previous blog about the guy who I met at Femme Nu who tried to seduce me, then told me we can’t go back to his place because he had a girlfriend.  His girlfriend stalked my Facebook page, found my number, apparently follows my blogs now.  Because she calls me screaming that she read my blog.  Frustrated, because she had called me earlier as well, and just finishing a jack and water and a little buzzed, I screamed at her to stop fucking call me, and to come down to Kelly Oneil’s and talk to my face, but stop calling me.  She threatened me a bit, then refused to come down, because “she was hanging with her family.”

1st of all… Don’t believe everything you read.  Not everything you read on the internet is reliable.  These are stories, and sometimes entertainment, inspired from real events.

2nd of all… You need to be trippin on your man, not me, because if you believe everything you read, I DON”T WANT YOUR  FUCKING MAN! 

So we all walk back to my friends place nearby where I’m irritated by my phone blowing up by this girl.  So I think in my drunken stupor, I slam my iPhone on my friends granite counter.  It is no longer working.  So my 2 friends end up hooking up in the bedroom, where there is no door.  Trying to ignore them, we start our own party in the living room.  They are all drinking Four Loco, the malt beverage that has been illegalized because too many teenagers are dying off of it.  It is 13% alcohol.  I sipped on Seagrams Sweet Tea.  Great drink by the way!   After a while, I started crying about my ex, who my friend brought up, who everybody know’s I’ve always loved for 3 years.  And I play a drunk stupid ass for 5 minutes.  Then me and my girlfriend start fooling around and film everything. LOL!  It was a fun night! 

Then in the morning, my gf who left calls me because I have her car keys, and we all left our cars at Alamoana.  So we meet at Original Pancake house over on Kapiolani.  There’s a 30 minute wait, so we head over to Mai Tai to have breakfast and drinks.  All I eat is a couple pieces of sashimi, and 2 bloody marys.  Me and my girlfriend (the sober one) drive to northshore to pick up her son in La’ie.  We head to my place to get ready, and back to my other friends, where they drove my car to.  Shaking from lack of sleep, lack of food, and alcohol withdrawals, I drink to glasses of wine, and try some of my friends great greek salad, and bbq.  My stomach was jacked up so I didn’t get to eat too much.  We crash out here.

In the morning, I take 3 IB Profen.  After 10 minutes I start to feel super warm and fuzzy and drowsy.  I thought maybe I was still hanging.  But then my friend realized that they are actually Flexural.  I think they looked like Percocet.  But Anyhow.  We go back to the beach house and La’ie where I am trashed all day, but get to relax and try to rest.  After that, we drive to DnBs to take the kids to play, where I have 2 Corona’s.  At this point, I’m finally feeling better, but I know it’s time to sleep. 

It may be all confusing, but I drove responsibly this weekend. LOL! I left my car, and even had it towed at one point.

What I look for in a guy.


Things I look for in a guy…

. funny
. intelligent
. tattoos are sexy *but it’s not a prerequisite
. attractive
. takes care of himself
. this includes exercising and eating healthy
. has good style
. I ❤ metro guys not afraid to be pretty and have a good fashion sense ;D
. color is not an issue, but I’ve always been attracted to exotic men, not white guys
. confident and not the jealous type
. I ain’t sayin I’m a gold digger, but I ain’t messin with no broke nigga
. financially secure and independent
. not needy, and accepting of my busy schedule
. gotta be good in bed ;D

. neat, I can’t stand messy people
. fun to be around
. intellectual
. good with children, family oriented,
. honest
. share similar interests
. someone who respects my space and privacy. Just because I don’t call doesn’t mean I’m not interested. Or
just because I go out with you one time, doesn’t mean I am interested. SO STOP BLOWING UP MY PHONE. I’ll call if I want to hang out.
. don’t make it too easy, take your time.
. I like being romanced. 😉
. someone who shares my lifestyle, a lifestyle that’s not for everybody
. I’ve always been attracted to the shy guy. Shy and quiet, but confident. I am loud enough for the 2 of us. 😉
. a faithful person.
. Someone who’s okay with me stealing the spotlight.
. Trusting
. ambitious, and goal oriented
. I want perfection. Why settle for less? “Raise the bar”, a friend once told me.
. Someone I can grow with, someone who doesn’t bring me down, or encourage me to be unproductive.
. Someone as passionate as me.
. Someone who will tell me when I am wrong.
. Someone who knows how to communicate and work through things.  Nobody is perfect.
. Someone who knows what making love is really about.

OR

JOHNNY DEPP!

Glow: Santa Monica 2010


Went to Glow at the Santa Monica pier which is an all night art show at the beach.  I watched the 1st 2008 show and it looked like a giant light show on the beach.  My sister said that it was previously like a giant rave with dj booths and music on the beach but that a 15 year old girl died because of an ecstasy overdose, so they have toned it down and turned it into a more family oriented event that closes down at 3 am versus at sunset.

I walked 4 blocks to the pier because the roads are closed down and we grabbed wrist bands to go on the carnival rides.  Down the beach you can see giant white light balls on each stand but nothing too fancy.  It was a bit disappointing.   But the beach and pier were covered with people everywhere.

I’m surprised how strict drinking, and smoking, and dog laws are at the beach.  They had small boxes painted on the sidewalk where designated smoking areas are.  Dogs aren’t allowed so we had to leave poor Bonjook home. ;(   We had a bottle of sake hidden in my bag which I forgot about and didn’t even drink.  My feet are so sore from walking so much today.

This is what the previous Glow looked like.

This is what this year’s looked like with the exception of a few booths, and a big projection screen.   Each booth had a giant white ball light.  I didn’t even go on the beach.  We just stayed on the crowded pier.