Choices and Lifestyles


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Where do I begin? At 4 am at Kelly Oneils at the bottom of my 5th Johnny Black double? At the end of the worst relationship of my life? Leaving Vegas penniless 140 lbs and overweight? When is enough, enough? When did I decide to take my life into my own hands, charge forward and do the things I always talked about but managed to put on the back burner?

My life is a book, a movie Hollywood hit played by the deranged Angelina Jolie (the girl interrupted.) ok maybe not that dramatic… Because I found my way up.

If you must know a little bit about me. I ran away from home and spent most of my upbringing in juvenile detention where most of my misguided anger was directed at my parents. I had a child at the young age of 19, and have raised her alone, without a penny of child support for 12 years. After she was born, I got into the stripping industry. I don’t hide it, although most boyfriends would prefer I do, because you can learn great things from where I have been. Lesson one, you make the money, you don’t let the money make you. The majority of strippers have drug problems, daddy issues, or are single parents. Can you tell which category I fall into? I am the single parent going through school.

Although I do have a few stripper friends, I keep them to the minimal. Usually they are single parents, and we at least have that in common. I don’t judge if we go out and they decide to go to the bathroom to “powder their nose” they just know that I won’t be joining them. The same goes for me. While I’m prepping $1000 worth of clean food and they’re downing wine with their Bucca De Beppos, I made a choice, a lifestyle choice, that I want to be healthier. (;

Not only has training taught me discipline. I’ve learned to apply the concepts of success to all areas of my life. Create a goal, and charge forward, whether it be with school, a business plan or a weight loss goal. Last fall I found myself exhausted with 8 years in the night scene. In only 30 days I built a full time clientele personal training with my iHeart Fitness HI business. I charged forward without looking back and saw when I put my mind to it anything is possible.

2013 year was my first competition

at the Sting Rey classic 2013, I placed second place in tall bikini division.  I took 1st the following year.  I look forward to competing in 2017 and finally hitting the National circuit. Competing has kept me motivated. It gives me a reason to push beyond my limits. Find your why and stick to it. This isn’t a season. It’s a lifestyle change. After 3 years of living like this, I don’t see myself living any other way.

#fitlife

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Xoxo

What’s up With These Anti-Trump Riots?


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If you didn’t vote for Trump then you probably won’t like me.  I support our new president 100% and so does the majority of America because despite the early claim to Hillary winning the popular vote, Trump won that and the electorates.  I am proud for our new president and I’m disgusted in the riots and violence that has become of this election.

What is more disturbing is George Soro’s and other elite groups are behind funding these riots and paying protesters to organize them.  George Soro’s is a man who profits from crashing economies and currencies.  Chaos is the perfect breeding ground for his fortunes.  Half of these people don’t even know what they’re protesting.  I bet you the majority of them didn’t even vote.  The riots aren’t what scare me.  It’s the chaos and division of our country that can lead to civil war, violence, crashing of economy and currency and rise in crime.  When people are breaking your car and house windows and stealing  your shit, please unfriend me if you rioted and supported Hillary.

This election was nasty.  Trump said things to attack Hillary that didn’t mean anything, and Hillary used the media to portray Trump in a not-so-flattering light.  Yes, they picked on his character flaws.  He’s an impatient, egomaniac and has a poor temperament. And he grabs women by the pussy.  I think this just humanized him.  I think the people are sick of “holier-than-thou” crooked politicians who are smart and cover their tracks.  I think Trump is too honest and straight forward and says what he means to be labeled a politician and that is refreshing in the eyes of the people who are seeking genuine change.  People say we survived Bush.  I use to make $200k a year when Bush was in.  Since Obama was in I make half of that.  My income crashed in 2008.

In my eyes, I have never lived in fear, or lived in an America where the racial divide is worse than it is today.  To me… we survived Obama.  And Obama is not YET out of office and in the time between now and inauguration, who know’s if we’ll make it before Obama delays Trump’s presidency and declares Marshall Law.  The legal issues just conveniently showed up around election time and I think the people don’t put stock into that because they see through the ugly obstacles of politics and winning an election.  The people spoke, and Trump won.

If you want to riot and be treasonous, then please go for it.  I say imprison rioters and they can build and maintain the wall.  But rioters are seeking a resolution.  Rioting does not fix anything in this circumstance.  If you think Trump is going to get impeached because you’re rioting, you are WRONG.  He won this election which means there are more people who want him in office than those protesting.  Or at least they were the ones to show up on election day.  By rioting you are continuing to divide this country and give the wolves ground to capitalize on the fall of America.  If there is a civil war, I don’t think majority of you would be able to back it up or bare arms.  I’m telling you, I’d be ready if you want to infringe on our rights and make this place an ugly place.  I’m with Trump.

Hillary leaving without giving a speech.  Obama doing nothing for these riots.  I think Trump needs to give a presidential speech.  And Obama and Hillary need to step up and be leaders and speak to these rioters.  They need to know that everything is going to be ok, and they need to respect the president.  It’s sad that our leaders are nowhere to be found.  And Obama is secretly planning an Iraq deployment that military soldiers are forbidden to discuss until after the election.

Please, let’s give him a chance to do his job.  He has discussed lowering  taxes for everyone across the board.  Marijuana is a go.  Gay rights he intends to let them keep.  Abortion he prefers to stay out of and allow the state to make those laws, and we can live with that.  Melania has talked about cyber bullying which I think is a huge deal.  Ivanka has proposed paid maternity leave.  And Trump hasn’t proposed an immediate 10 million refugees being deported.  He has started with beginning with the 2-3 million with criminal records and those in prison.  He is taking things slowly and methodically and so far all the talks of what he’s done is good.  Let’s focus on the good and give him a chance.  When you disagree with a policy change or something he is doing, then please protest.  But stop protesting his character defamation the media has painted him in a poor light.  GIVE HIM A CHANCE.  Let’s be civil and let him save our country.  I sincerely feel he has a diplomatic approach and his family has a desire to “Make America Great Again.”  Saving our nation is more important than hotel vacancies as Donald and Invanka stated in their 60 Minutes interviewer.  This is bigger than anything and I commend the Trump family for taking on this difficult position in a difficult time.   #teamtrump #maga

xoxo

 

#1dayout #electionday #trumpvshillary


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So this has truly been an amazing election this year. To be honest I’ve never cared for politics until I saw that someone could possibly make a difference, and that man is Donald Trump. There is a reason he is sweeping the nation by storm and whether you like him or not, he isn’t only winning his election, he is winning the hearts of the people as well.

At a younger age I was swayed to believe I was a democrat because of my modernity liberal social views on marijuana, abortion and gay rights. But this was by a bias democrat looking to recruit ignorant young supporters whose father was a Politican supporting Obama. As I grew older, I became more versed on what was happening in the world. What stimulates the economy and what hurts my wallet. Yes, strippers have educated opinions too. More than some lawyers and doctors I’ve come to know. From making 200k + a year cash, (before 2008) to some years making as little as 50k, you start understanding what is happening in the world, not only to the ladies of the underworld turning into underpaid prositutes and killing the stripclub fantasy racket, but you start to learn a lot about your customers rackets as well. Customers that were once making a lot of money spending no longer are because their businesses are hurting too. That customer that use to spend $500 every week is budgeting and only spending $80-$100 every time he comes in. And if you’re smart you took time to get to know them and learn a thing or two. Some industries thrive, some hurt. Right now honolulu’s construction industry was booming due to the rail site. My club was right on the route. Since some of the projects slowed down, so did the club. Korean bars in Wahiawa near the Schofield barracks use to boom, like Club Texas that have now been closed. The owners now own the old California Girls which is now a ghost town because of lack of military spending in the area. I see women and single mothers resort to prostitution for dollars out of desperation and it’s heart wrenching. I’m in my prime and it has gotten so bad that I decided I’d have a better life waitressing at Chilli’s.

This is what the Obama administration has done for me? I’ve seen the military be sized down. I got an interesting text from my friend the other day. Did you know they’re secretly briefing for deployment to Iraq right now under Obama’s orders. He doesn’t want it disclosed until after the election. Smh. I’ve seen medical go up from $150-$350 to $700-$1000 for some people. This inflution is ridiculous. Someone who makes 100k a year has to spend 10% of their income so that the poor  can have free medical? That is wrong. I don’t believe in stealing from the rich to give to the poor. I believe in providing opportunity for people who try and pull their weight. Yeah gays have gotten their rights and marijuana has taken a step in the right direction whereas global, military and trade issues have been misguided. When the world is worrying about some drama with Beyoncé and Jay Z, Obama got billions to fund refugees because everyone forgot to show up to that meeting. He got a blank check. We can’t even afford to take care of our veterans and they are rescinding bonuses of military recruits? We can’t afford anything yet we continue to charity the world.

One of the major things that come to play this election is the mindless following of social media bias media clips. I often debate politics since I’m bored out of my skull and bedridden. I enjoy an intelligent conversation debating politics most of it boils down to you’re a racist, hateful, unintelligent person because you support trump. Here’s a social experiment. Which side do you support?

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Let’s stick to the issues. Most people are concerned about how well of a speaker trump is. His politically incorrect lines. His grab her by the pussy scandal. And his timely convenient sexual assault suits. They want to make clips of the most unintelligent supporters and propagate that Trump supporters are all redneck, uneducated, inbred, racists. The truth is most people are afraid to even conduct this experience because they are so caught up in media bias that they can’t even begin to tell you what each politicians stance on the issues are.

Abortion

I am pro life. At a younger age I did have an abortion I’m not proud of. In fact I was bullied into it by an abusive relationship. We, women sometimes are forced to raise a child alone, which I have, and it’s a hard road. On my second child, without support, I have decided to keep my child, again being bullied into any abortion. However, as a mother, who has alreAdy had an abortion, my pro choice views have changed to pro life. Only a woman can make the decision and choice because she had to deal w the consequences. Men too easily are not held responsible. And although I am personally pro life, the only reason for abortion issues to be in politics is for the federal funding of its entities including planned parenthood and federal medical in funding for welfare recipients receiving abortions. I do not feel the government should pay for these services and should Be paid for by the recipients or social pro choice charity groups. Not with tax payers money esp when so many in this nation are against it, that it is manipulated to sway political votes. Do away w it in the election process all together and make it a null subject for the woman to decide but the government have no say.

Healthcare

Obama care is a disaster. I do not believe in giving to the poor by taking from the rich. It needs to be fair. Free medical would never work in America. Countries like Canada have medical because of inflation of consumption taxes. For example a bottle of grey goose costs $130. Their medical profit margins are low thus making the quality of skilled medical workers low. And the only reason this works is because America subsidizes them. The AMerican pharma companies sell  pharmaceuticals at way lower prices, whereas the American  people end up paying premiums over 8x higher to pick up the bulk of research costs so they can sell the rest to Europe and Canada for cheap. We don’t want cheap, shitty medical that we can’t afford. Skilled doctors have begun to leave their professions for cosmetics because there is little profit in the medical industry today. Donald Trump proposes opening borders to make insurance companies compete among eachother for better premiums. You get what you pay for. I had Kaiser when I was young. Kaiser is appx $115-$150/Mo. When I had a premature baby they didn’t even attempt to rescue him. Do you know why? Because they didn’t have skilled workers nor facilities. I was too young to know at the time I could sue them for negligent practice because my baby’s skull was damaged while they were examining me while I was in labor when they shouldn’t insert a speculum during labor. I now have hmsa which covers more. Hmsa is around $350 a month. You get what you pay for. Only kapiolani is equipped with facilities and skilled nurses and Doctor specialists for High risk patients.

Tax

While democrats believe in taking from the rich giving to the poor, republicans believe in working hard for their money. You cannot classify every hard working American in the Republican Party as a corrupt 1%er or banker or politician. There are small businessmen, blue and white collar workers and the middle businessmen who are successful but not quite 1%ers. This is the divide the democrats wants to create to propagate this unfair sense of income inequality. Bernie pushes a $15/hour minimum wage. Higher wages just creates higher costs of everything. That $5 gallon of milk is now $10 because the person stocking at the store, the driver of the truck, the laborers in the warehouse before receiving it from the shippers who had it docked in the mainland  before pasteurizing and packaging it before it was procured by the farmer who raised and fed that cow everyday each person for $15/hour. Corporations can handle this $15 hour raise, but will pass the costs on to the consumer. YOU. Small businesses cannot. Like states before, a bottle of Grey Goose costs $130 in Canada. This is what happens when you raise taxes and minimum wage. The issue isn’t that we don’t tax enough. Upper 1% will always find ways to hide their money. Our issue is abusing federal spending and going after that abuse. We need to close the loop holes and tighten our budget. I think trump has proven to know how to tighten budgets and flip a profit.

Same sex marriage

IM not gay and this does not affect me but I believe trump is only appealing to the conservative voter which he needs in order to win the election because previously he had liberal views on this subject. He has an election to win and games to plays. I doubt he will rescind the gay issue, or will it pass.  Gays are not an issue in our country. They are peaceful. They do not protest violently or have syndicate and prominent gangs. If they want to stick their dick in someone Else’s ass that’s their prerogative and if I want someone to stick their dick in mine , then that’s my business.

common core

I don’t even know what the fk this is! My daughter asks me to help her w math and I can’t. I do not engage in many of her math assignments because I can’t do it. This is stupid. It’s the only subject she needs help in and it’s not because she’s not smart enough for math. I too had an issue w math growing up because I have a different formula process in my head. People with quick minds can come to the same answers with different processes and I see that with her as well. We can figure out the answer but our work is different from what they want us to show so we get it wrong. It’s stupid. Fk common core.

Education

I don’t believe in free education. It’s a luxury we can’t afford  which would cost trillions. I think education is extremely important however I don’t believe it should be free. When did we become a nation where we became spoiled brats who are entitled to hand outs.  I was raised to work hard, to be a functioning citizen in society.  When something is given to somebody for free it is taken for granted. I feel like many Americans are spoiled they go to school because it is free on grant money or on credit and student loans but they don’t appreciate the value of that. They don’t apply themselves. They get degrees that they never use in the future. They drop out of school or get bad grades. But then you see forsign exchange students  Who do not have that opportunity in  their country and they take advantage of that opportunity in America and apply themselves and work hard.  This is why America does not need to spend money on education. Most of their educated skilled PhD, engineers, and scientists are outsourced from international countries. And this is why we have a midle blue collar skilled market. People with trades or a bachelor degree can make a decent income of 50 to 150 K. One of the common things I see in the media  is the black lives matter movement propagating income inequality and suppressant of the black community.  We live in a time where it is illegal to discriminate on the color of your skin and anybody can attend college through grant money and student loans that come from poverty especially. If you didn’t get an education and apply yourself it is because you decided not to take advantage of it. It is true that we live in a time where it is illegal to discriminate on the color of your skin and anybody can attend college through grant money and student loans that come from poverty especially. If you didn’t get an education and apply yourself it is because you decided not to take advantage of it. It is not the governments responsibility to raise our children. These entitled and lazy poor attitudes are cultures taught by parents. I’m extremely anti-BLM and feel that it is meant to divide and create victims out of the black community. Basically there is a faceless boogie man telling you that you must stay down because the white man has suppressed you. Instead of taking power into your own hands and removing the power from recent history against you and rise above it, you keep yourself in a box by accepting this form of racism. The truth is not everyone out here is racist and blm keeps them in a box by creating that divide. The black community doesn’t have poverty and crime because the white man created it. We’ve created opportunities for you to apply yourself and given special subsidizes to black citizens. Nobody gives a shit because you’re violent mother fuckers and spew hate. I’m not racist. I just can’t stand people who use violence as a means of power and victimize themselves as an excuse. Get educated. Stop raising ignorant children without ethics and morals.

immigration

First of all ignorant people who cannot discuss politics cordially will almost 95% of the time pull the race card anytime you say anything that has to do w a racial subject. Not wanting illegal immigrants to destroy our economy and  break the law by illegally coming here not only does it hurt our economy, it leaves loop holes for criminals and terrorists to come in and that is a security of our borders issue. Although I do not believe that building a wall is the answer the idea of it is what is important. The idea that we will no longer stand for blatant disrespect of our laws and continue allow the poor to come to this country to be a burden.  Educated immigrants with skills and work do not illegally come here and jump borders. I am not an uncharitable person who believes in selfish views towards money, however I believe we reep what we sow, and causing more dependent citizens in this country to depend on federal funding makes masses dependent on the welfare system. Im not only speaking of Mexicans but Europeans and muslim refugees alike. Some of these people from third world countries will never be able to function in society and how will they raise generations? Their cultures are completely opposite than ours often and are are unable to integrate without violence. I saw a video of a Muslim woman being arrested at Las Vegas airport spewing Sharia law and hate against Americans saying we should be murdered for certain Islamic crimes. Nobody wants this in America. I’m not racist. But fuck you. This is America.

I can go on and on but this is taking a long time to write. The funniest part is that I’ve been block happy on Facebook blocking the most idiot people. I can’t stand the race card in a debate because I am clearly not racist. I just do not have sympathy for the poor because you are responsible for your own financial destiny. Even an uneducated person can be a stripper or a cosmetologist or nail tech and make a decent living bartending or any other skill. I’ve personally noticed a lot of attack on trump supporters esp. After a bias media  video emerged of a small group of senior citizen and less literate Caucasian trump supporters in Honolulu were topic of a bashed subject. I recognized one of the ladies as a lawyer and another a retired doctor. The video was edited to clearly make this group look poorly and the Clinton supporters began to bash them. Kids not outstanding persons in society bashing a well respected lawyer because the clip they showed was of her not so well-ly discussing Hillary selling nukes to Russia. Many times referring them as to haoles and to leave. Who is the racist one here? In Hawaii Caucasians are often the ones discriminated on. I was so offended I went on that feed to defend her because she is an outstanding citizen and media can be a horrible thing… Here’s the scoop in Russia that she didn’t elaborate on that most kids don’t know because they don’t know what’s going on in the world…

Bill Clinton and his Canadian uranium manufacturing partner sells uranium to small European country which sells to Russia and then sells to Isis. This is how American missiles end up in the Middle East. On the other end hillary is Negotiating deals with Saudi Arabia, who’s government donated billions to the “Clinton foundation” And immediately hires Bill for a $700k public speech. The sad thing is they don’t hide this. They blatantly do everything. This is all public knowledge. Hillary clintons foundation donates 4 billion to Haitis disaster but its been under scrupulation that the money is highly abused and not being used for the people. We cannot monitor spending in international countries and it becomes a conflict of interest when international political affairs, presidential influence, abuse of charity money and high paid speaking gigs are all intercepting among the same circles. ARE YOU BLIND?

Let’s  talk about Haiti.  They came in with guns and told the rice field workers to leave and they burned all the rice fields. Now Hillary’s brother sells rice exclusively out of Virginia to Haiti.   It’s a known fact in Haiti that if you want to do business you have to go through the Clintons.  What else is going on in the small countries that people in power are taking advantage of. Hillary is a globalist, the bushes are  globalists. You want more of the same bullshit politicians. No thank you. I want Trump because he’s NOT a politician.

People have flaws. Trump is a pompous ego maniac with money who use to slang pussy by the truckloads (and grab it too apparently.) He’s a shrewd businessman who is constantly harassed by the IRS and he takes advantage of tax loopholes like everyone else. I’ve looked into it and his realestate has plummeted so perhaps his losses are real which is why he has a personal interest to make America great again to regain his value on his real estate investments. Could it be that his interests allign with the American people? It made me emotional to see old videos of him to see how he never had an interest in politics because it’s “mean” and the money doesn’t mean much to him. But he sees America needs a leader and someone like him to stick up for us and stop abusing us and jacking off the world with our tax money.  We need someone like Donald Trump who isn’t controlled by the globalists and lobbyists. Is he perfect? No. But this isn’t a popularity contest. Or who can throw a better concert or get more celebs to offer blow jobs. This is about the future of our nation. I’m tired of the govt getting more control, diluting what America is really about, and abusing our tax money.

America is corporatism. It isn’t Socialism. It isn’t communism. It isn’t giving to the poor and stealing from the rich. It is a place of free enterprise and a place of opportunity.  Giving the government more control to take away our liberties and managing business and industry is giving government more control over the people. With the increasing numbers of idiots in this country we just might need more governing because people are morons. The government wants to control everything land, commodities, water, food. But look what they’ve done to our water supplies, our meat, our chicken, our produce, the chemicals in our food and water that continue to poison us. The cancer causing toxins in the plastics we depend on. The GMo Monsanto has raised that is toxic that is protected. Did you know Monsanto also owns Splenda??? Chemicals causing cancer. The way to keep masses under control is to control the wealth inequality, sickness, religion, racial divide and resources and make people dependent. Why do you think there’s so much cancer causing bullshit and the government doesn’t care?

If I hear outspoken BLM or Hillary supporters spouting hate or propagating negativity and racism I’m erasing you because I have no room for negativity any more.

Return of Saturn


Recently, I’ve felt a disconnect with people. More than I ever have. I’ve always been very sociable and extrovert: Craving social interaction and having friends. As a child I didn’t have many friends. I’m different. That’s all I know. Children can be mean. They can scar you. They can tease you for not having boobs in the 7th grade. They can pick fights because they’re jealous that you are pretty. That first crush can laugh at you because you wore baggy jeans and hand me downs. I never conformed to the social crowd of one group. I never felt accepted fully, so I fleeted from group to group never fully making friends w anyone: Keeping it on the surface. Anytime I get too close to any group, that is when the trouble arises. Girls can be mean. 

I know that I may come off as rough, but my spirit is gentle and kind and giving. Too many years of being shoved around and taken advantage of can harden you. It makes you not believe in people anymore. As a child, I was forgiving and I craved to fit in and belong. As an adult, I’ve grown cynical and those negative patterns I’ve formed with friends have manifested into adulthood. Adults have their cliques too. The mean girls “you can’t sit with us” groups that make you feel like you don’t belong arep in adulthood too. As much as I feel like an outsider, I don’t want to be a part of that. Or that’s what I thought.

I know I’m different, and I feel as though I am always being judged. Maybe that’s where I fail. It’s rare that I fall into a social group that I get along with. I have very low tolerance for bullshit and when I see something I tend to just turn the other way. As of lately, I feel anti-sociable. People who I have known for years no longer look like friends to me. How have we become so different? Are they judging me? Or is it the other way around? I feel so much relationships are superficial. It’s about who you know, what business and networks can you bring, image, who can get in whose pants. Or the fake people who kiss your ass to your face and talk badly about you behind your back. We know who they are because they do it to our other friends as soon as their backs are turned.  None of it is genuine. 

It’s only until recently my heart has begun to heal. I’ve been highly selective about who I let in my circle. I would rather be alone than surrounded by fake, negative people. I purged my Facebook of my “biggest fans:” my haters. Why do we wake up everyday to open your feed and see someone’s name and think…. Ugh what is she posting again. I am responsible for allowing this to be close to me, because I am entertained from negativity. When my intentions came clearer that positivity is what I want in my life, I BEGAN TO ATTRACT IT. The POWER OF INTENTION and the POWER OF ATTRACTION is real. For the first time, I am attracting people into my life who I feel are kind, giving, positive, successful and non judge mental people. It’s a good feeling because they make you realize all the negative stuff you’ve been holding onto isn’t worth it. As hard as it is to swallow, maybe the source of your pain has been your own doing. 

I’m the type of girl who wants to do everything on my own. One of the hardest lessons I am still trying to learn is to accept help. When I got pregnant and the father left me for another woman, he offered me no support. I can do this on my own, I told myself. I’ve seen darker days and deeper holes. 

Dustin (the father) and I had discussions about having children. I think pregnancy was so unenjoyable for me the first time around being alone and so young, I am scarred. I did not want children. Kai is 11 years old and I am almost free to have a life I was robbed of from a young age. Having been abandoned by his parents who were on drugs and in jail, being a father was important to Dustin. When I found out I was pregnant, Dustin admitted he had been seeing his ex and bullied me into an abortion. By the time I went to the doctors I was not 4 weeks pregnant, I was 13! In the ultrasound I saw a head and feet and a healthy spine and a cute hand wave. The feelings of a baby growing inside me filled me with joy. But at the same time tears of fear because I knew I was doing this alone AGAIN.  Even my drug addict baby daddy #1 managed to grab me meals and take me to appointments when we were kids. Baby daddy #2 at the ripe age of 26 years old changed his number. 

As I moved on from my heart break, I began to move forward and start to think what am I going to do with this pregnancy? I have an uncanny ability to compartmentalize. As fast as I decided to move on, I took an inner look at the situation. I had quit nightlife months before and had some health issues. I just finished real estate school. This is a spiritually growing time for me because of my Return in Saturn forces that have been leading me away form nightlife in devastating and dramatic fashions. I realized the toxicity not only from that environment but from the people I am surrounded by. The money was never worth the poison I allowed into my life. 

As weeks went by, I wanted baby more than anything now. I have things in my Amazon cart and have a baby name list. I dabbled w names: Ossa, Lilith, Seraphim, Dakota, Luna, Seriyna, Keira. I downloaded a few baby aps to entertain my baby jitters. It’s all unplanned and I’m doing it alone but I’m completely confident I am capable of doing this. Is anything ever planned? Or are we just stumbling through life making it all up as we go by, like Captain Jack Sparrow. I like to think I’m the latter lol, but it’s not always so graceful. When I got hospitalized at 19 weeks and I was in a situation where I had a choice to abort or stay in bed with supposedly a 1% chance of baby making it to 25 weeks, an abortion seemed like the easy way out from the responsibility. This was a test. But it came naturally. I wanted to fight for this baby, no matter the outcome, no matter if the doctors said she has a high chance of having mental illness and serious health issues. I spent so much time thinking I would abort it in that case. But when faced with the situation, didn’t blink before I knew that wasn’t an option. 

People keep telling me god won’t give you anything you can’t handle. And I try to see the beauty in all of this. How am I growing? I feel this whole experience is an extremely spiritual time for me. I feel miscalculating a late pregnancy, taking a plan b that failed and the unfortunate circumstances have all been meant to be. I’m learning to be selfless for another life. Although I have a daughter, I was young and made a lot of mistakes. I missed  a lot with Kai because I was too immature to understand it and I don’t want or make those same mistakes. I want to enjoy being a mother this time and be a better mom. I’m so excited Kai is having a sister and we are growing our family. 

Even when I was hurt, I tried to reconcile with Dustin with kindness. I tried to have an open heart. I tried to understand why someone could hurt someone like that? It was simple because he was so selfish that he did things without thinking of others because of his past and pain he had been through. Some allow themselves to be jaded.  I came to learn, when you become empathetic you start to have compassion: and through giving, I began to learn the holes in me were healing. When we live in a world where people take and hurt we are hesitant to do so. But when we learn empathy, it makes it easier to give when you understand someone’s pain. 

I have a white ink Tat on my ribs with tribal that I did when I was hurt and going through a hard time. It’s just a reminder to not be jaded. 
“There is a light that never goes out.” The Smiths.

Now I’m trying to learn the receiving part. Being on bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy is a hellish nightmare. I can’t go to the gym. I can’t work. I can’t leave my bed. I am sooooooo fkn bored out of my skull. At least in jail you have cigarettes, conjugal visits and yard time. No sexy time for me. But this time has allowed me to learn how to accept help. At first I was denying help because I didn’t want to ask for anything. Then a friend made me realize something: sometimes giving is healing too and it’s a two way street and we need to learn to accept with grace. Then some of the mean comments and judgment ensued. And I realized to drop the excess baggage and negativity and embrace the positive. 

Be kind. Be empathetic. Be compassionate. Positive things are coming this way. 

Xoxo

What Do I Want?


I am a free spirit. A wild woman, a maneater.  I require a strong alpha male, because I will suck all his power up if he is not strong enough to take me on.  I need someone who puts 100% trust in me, and knows no matter what I do, or how things may seem, or how flirtatious I may even be, my end game is him and at the end of the night I’m coming home to him. I’m not the cheating type.  I have been taken for a ride before, I have had my heart broken, and by no  means am I perfect.  I’ve even broke a few hearts.  But everyday is a winding road, and every heart broken is a new lesson learned, and new path carved.

If we become insecure, jealous people, it will never work out!  Jealousy is one of the most unattractive qualities to me.  From time to time, I have been known to be a jealous person.  But that was because the relationships foundations were tainted with trust issues and infidelity.  I will always try to conceal my jealousy.  As for insecurities, we must take it upon ourselves to make that special someone feel like they are the only one for you.   If they’re not, then why are you in it in the first place? Trust and communication is the foundation of a stable relationship. Take away that and it all crumbles from beneath you.  Remember when loyalty and being in love was enough?

If my husband, for example, came home from a trip and told me that he had slept with a hooker, but out of respect for me, was ridden with guilt, and had to tell me the truth, I’d be very upset.  However I’d probably forgive him.  I am after his soul, not his body.  Sex is merely physical.

“It’s not cheating unless you read poetry.”

I need someone who’s strong enough to let me be queen of my world, but still be the assertive male figure, an equal figure, not a dominating person, someone who will stand up to me  and tell me when I am wrong.  Someone I will respect, not someone I will walk all over.  Where do you draw the line without being my bitch?  I have had very subservient men in my life, but this bores me after a while.  I need someone who is going to accept me for who I am and not try to change me.  I never changed for anybody my entire life, why start now?  I am unique, and an acquired taste.  I am not for everybody.  You either love me, or you hate me.

Love is fleeting, we all wind in and out of love throughout a lifetime.  Some of us are afraid to fall in love again.  I like to jump into things head over heels.  Careless, some would say, but I say that I give 100% and I’m not afraid to have my heart broken.  Maybe I’m addicted to the extreme heights of the rushes of being in love, but I have learned to deal with the anguished lows of sad breakups, and dramatic heartbreaks as well.  Some people think I’m cold, because I can easily break up with someone on the opposite end…

“I’m not into this anymore, and I don’t want to take you for a ride.”  Some say that would be cold, being said to a guy utterly head over heels in love with you, but I call it honest.  Some people can’t handle the truth.  But I think the truth is far better than lies and confusing a person hurt with rejection.

Someday I will be loved.

Taxing us to Live.


Although I think it’s a good idea to take care of the planet, could the extreme measures we have gone to save the planet a way to brainwash America into a political scheme, be an avenue to change laws, and manipulate the country?  Sounds skeptical to me.

Sure, we should use less gas.  It’s expensive.  Carpool to work.   Find alternative sources for automobiles, and to heat our homes.  Maybe use less aerosol hairspray and products.  But carbon taxing?  Taxing us on breathing?  Taxing us on having babies?   To a New World Bank?  Who do they think they are to tax us on what the government does not yield, control, create, nor what never belonged to them?   That is extreme, and our only humanly right is to breathe and live and create life.

Creating a New World Bank, and a New World Government, will lead to New World Order.  Although there are people who oppose it, and it may take a very long time to create, because the consitution protects us, there is always the threat that there are a group of wealthy people in the world, who control it all, looking for a way to make this idea become reality.  Save America, and save the consitution, because America has one of the greatest constitutions protecting us, if wielded correctly.  But that power has been abused, by the puppet masters, the banks, the Illuminati, the Bilderberg Group, whoever you wish to call it.  Greedy people who believe that they should rule over all of us.  Most people call it conspiracies.  I believe in it.   NWO believe in population control, and that is exactly what Carbon Taxing on babies wishes to accomplish.  Less population.  By brainwashing America into believing in Global Warming, they are slowly acclimating us into believe in their ideas.

[“If you allotted 1250 square feet to each person, all the people in the world would fit into the state of Texas…”In Ralph Epperson’s book, The Unseen Hand, he states that if you took the population of the world and split it up into families of four and gave them each a piece of land 50′ x 53′, the entire population of the planet would fit neatly into the state of Oregon.Worried about feeding everyone?Brian Carnell in How Much Food is Available Now? Says, “The world currently produces more than enough food to provide every single man, woman and child alive today with an adequate diet…”What About China?“China, everyone’s favorite supposed example, has fewer than 60 percent as many people per square mile as the United Kingdom (England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland). Obviously, then, China’s problem is not overpopulation, but underdevelopment. Many people think that population growth prevents the economic growth of poor nations, but a number of economists now suggest the opposite: every new person brings not only another mouth to feed, but two hands with which to work. Misguided efforts to help poor countries by suppressing their natural population growth may actually hurt them.”So, what if everyone DID have more children?Professor Budziszewski writes, “Fertility is already declining in every region of the world, and population growth has been slowing down since the late 1970s. In the developed countries, the net reproduction rate is 0.7 and dropping, which means that the next generation will be only 70 percent as large as this one. Nicholas Eberstadt of the American Enterprise Institute suggests that we may one day face not an explosion but an “implosion” of population.”]  I found this comment on a blog.

Ice this year is significantly greater than the last.  What happened to Global Warming and the icebergs melting? The main stream media concentrates on a couple of small areas of the Antarctic in order to scare you in to believing that Antarctica is melting, when in fact its gaining ice.

Those behind global warming are using it to control people’s lives and for financial gain.

Is Global Warming a hoax?  You decide.

check out http://www.Globalwarminghoax.com

and a huge list of links @ http://www.wnho.net/global_warming.htm

Check out Oprahs House…  She thinks it’s such an issue

and John Travolta’s home, with his private jet

and just ONE of Al Gore’s homes

Breathing isn’t a privilege you can control.  It is our humanly right to live.  I can see myself in prison next to some thuggish 7-11 liquor store robbers…

“What are you in for?”

“Breathing.”

xoxo

Kristie Manning

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xoxo

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