the Road Less Traveled


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I’ve traveled paths many would never dare.  Path’s that people judge with dismay and fear. I chose the path less traveled.  I chose adventure.  I chose to live.  I chose to make my own decisions.  I chose to go against the grain and march to my own beat.  I chose to be a free thinker.  I chose to say what was on my mind without thinking.  I chose to live “out there” so that my life was so out of control, I had no choice but to become centered again to find my true master.  I chose to be misunderstood.

There’s a lot of lessons to learn in taking the road less traveled. Through empathy  comes understanding.  Through heartbreak do you only learn to love.  Only through loss do you learn to appreciate.  Through the pains of greed you learn the desire to give.  Through loneliness comes self discovery.  Through addiction you learn control.  Through vanity, you learn to be humble.  Through failure do you learn to become more disciplined.  Death gives you the gift of life.  Through pain comes transformation.

I never had a lot of friends growing up.  I never was popular.  I learned to be mean to keep people away in a subliminal way at a very young age.  It’s easier to keep people away than face rejection.  I don’t know if it’s my strong personality, my strong opinions.  Beauty is it’s own glass ceiling.  It’s a gift and a curse.  Some women can be insecure and drag you down because they are jealous of your beauty.  At the same time, I have an uncanny ability to attract people from all spectrums of the rainbow, including the wrong kind of attention.  CREEPERS and STALKERS.  Lately,  I can be in over the top bitch mode to push people away and it doesn’t always work.

Something simple as smiling more can change peoples perspective of you.  I have horrible RBF (resting bitch face) and don’t smile a lot.  I’m horrible at taking compliments.  Acknowledging them in a positive way with grace is something I am challenged with.  I think people have pre-dispositioned ideas about who they think they are.  What we put out to the world, and who we really are can often conflict and be different things.  I’m a Gemini.  And my rising sign is Scorpio.  Your rising sign is exemplary of how the world perceives you and the image you project.  The Gemini and Scorpio are two COMPLETELY OPPOSITE signs in the Zodiac.  Where Gemini is highly communicative, confident, a social butterfly, very forgiving, fun and a fiery lover and highly intellectual and super indecisive; the Scorpio is mysterious, highly sexual and passionate, jealous,  unforgiving, however highly decisive and assertive.  See the oppositional traits?  Who I project to the world can often be the complete opposite of who I really am.  I had an ex once tell me, the person I am when we are home together alone is different from what others see.  It’s beautiful when you allow someone to see you as you truly are.  Maybe he’s one of the few people I actually allowed to see.  It’s not that I’m a fake person by any means.  I think I’m a pretty awesome person, but I don’t feel like everyone is deserving of my awesomeness.  What I’ve learned in this world is it is pretty fucked up, and people generally suck.  You have to filter through the bad and be selective about finding the good energy.  Once you find that energy you will notice that you will continue to attract good energy.

I’ve taken some hard roads.  But I don’t regret any of it.  It’s our pains and strife that mold us into the person we are today. Without a piece of shit baby daddy, I wouldn’t know how to appreciate something good.  He made my life so miserable, that I’m appreciative of anything that falls short of “piece of shit baby daddy ” level.  I looked at my situation a month ago.  I was 5 months pregnant in the hospital with zero support from the asshole who abandoned me, failing to make an income, begging for money on a go fund me, and barely making acceptable care for my 11 year old daughter.  Yeah, things were pretty hard, but it doesn’t compare to that time when my ex was strung out living in the “crack head motel” with $20 in my pocket, eating corned beef hash and ramen noodles.  I’ve seen darker days.  So even if I want to cry and feel sorry for myself, I know that I have seen worse.  Sometimes life is just like FUCKED, but you pick yourself back up.  Everyday is a winding road.  And every day you have different roads to take.  What road will you take today?  The road that is easy?  Or the road less traveled?

xoxo

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