Dine, Wine and Grind.

Why are men so confused about what is so special about the Julia Robert’s movie, “Eat Pray Love?”  I think people often get caught up in the stories, that they forget about the bigger picture.  I have felt just like Liz in that movie… I have related with and become the character, relationship to relationship, feeling horribly about myself, and reflecting that negativity on the people I fall into.  How can you expect anybody to love you, if you don’t love yourself?

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…”

Elizabeth Gilbert

A few years ago, I was devastated by the loss of somebody that I loved immensely.  To this day, I regret the things that have happened, and even the loss of any kind of friendship.  For a very long time, I could never forgive myself.  I refused to move on, and I decided my heart would stay broken with him.  I decided that it was time to leave this rock, I call home, and I moved to sin city, the perfect place to be single and start again.  I had never been single pretty much since I was 13 years old.  I always found myself in relationship after another, and after a few months, dreading the routine and regretting the lack of reflection I made in getting into a relationship with someone I wasn’t in love with, they were always short and scarce in between the long relationships that I THOUGHT were love.

After my soul mate departed, I sought to seek something deeper.  I didn’t need to go to India to see a Guru or Bali to see a Medicine Man, but for the first time, I was alone, and I loathed it.  If I had to sit in the house alone one evening, I would freak out, and venture out into the club alone just to be around some friends.  After a few months, I began to get use to being alone.  But I was never fully alone, I had my Kai bug. 😉  I didn’t want to be with anybody but my soul mate, and ridiculous as it sounded, I thought he would come back, which he did in a year, but it didn’t work out.  After being celibate for a year, things come into perspective and what is really important becomes clearer.  That is what my soul mate did.  He shook me up and tore down my walls and left me so empty that I had to go out into the world and find myself again.

After a few years alone, I realized that when your eyes are occupied, you miss out on what is really there.  It’s like surfing.  You can get impatient and get on the first wave, but you’re gonna miss the best set.  So I have been waiting for that wave, that tsunami to hit me like a wall of bricks, and the intoxicating set of symptoms that comes with this ridiculous obsession we call love.  I won’t settle for second best.  I won’t settle because I am lonely.  I want to be in love with someone who reciprocally loves me back.  Sometimes loving someone isn’t enough if they can’t express is back.  I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum.  The one being rejected vs. the one doing the rejection.  Nobody likes it, but hell, that’s the ABC’s of growing up.

What makes me happy?  What keeps me busy, until I find him?  I love to eat.  I love to drink wine. I love to make money and work hard.  I keep busy. I  hit the gym. I  continue my studies in fashion.

So the new “Eat, Pray Love” has become “Dine, Wine and Grind.”

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