Miss Jet Set Model Contest and Be Positive Cancer Foundation Fundraiser


I want to share a little story with you. A month ago I went on vacation after two years of no vacation time. After losing my dog, my baby, my savings and a lengthy case In family court which had no case in the first place, amost a year later I feel like I am still picking up the pieces.  A couple months ago I found some lumps in my breast we are worried about. I kind of feel a lack of grounding.

While I was in California, I spent a lot of time reflecting the direction of my life. I lost my passion and fire I use to have. I got an email to do this Miss Jet set Contest.  I believe I did it so many years ago. I didn’t expect to actually do well this time.  Something ignited in me and I saw a new way.  I’m excited to move away to California for a while (Long Beach.)  But this isn’t forever. Hawaii is my home. I’ll be back.

I’m focusing on Real Estate but didn’t want to give up my passion for fitness. I most likely will train for my pro card next year. And continue building my website freebikinibody.com. I want to donate 10% of ad sales revenue towards #fbbcleanoceaninitiative. And if I win this contest I will automatically donate 10% as well off the top. I think we live in a world of political division and I would like to spread a positive universal message rather than get caught up in the trap.

I  recently joined a wine club and get my wine for free and got my friends free wine too. I drink wine 🍷 and I know things. 🙊 If you want to ever drink wine w me I am always down for a glass or two. 💋

If you make a donation to the Be Positive Cancer Foundation try doing it during 2 for 1 vote times to maximize your votes.  And don’t forget to use your free daily vote every 24 hours.

Aloha

@angrygymrat

@freebikinibody

#fbbcleanoceaninitiative

Vote for Kristie here.

https://www.jetsetmag.com/model-search/2017/kristie-manning

Currently in First Place


I need all of your guys help to take this competition.  It’s all up to you.  You can cast a free vote every 24 hours, sign up for the email list for multiple votes or make a donation to the Be Positive Cancer for Children Foundation.

I want to take 10% to donate to a charity.
and take 20% to use for marketing for Freebikinibody.com; Which in turn, I want to donate 10% of all profit to initiatives geared towards cleaning the ocean.

I want to share some of my personal ambitions with you.  I would like to start saving an investment fund for Kai to go to college, as she is now 12.  Agriculture land is in my future and I would like to farm organic aquaponic produce and create a self sufficient, eco friendly business that stimulates the Hawaii economy and tourism to America.  It’s a dream of mine to have a small home gym as well which will incorporate into other business opportunities.  My love for animals will flow into the animals I adopt.  I feel horrible for animals locked in cages and I want to rescue some animals.  FreeBikinibody.com is my side project to promote a free woman’s fitness community to involve my passion for fitness with the online realm.  I also write… a taboo subject on strippers and Las Vegas life.  One day I hope to publish that book.  I can be really multi-faceted sometimes.  It’s what makes my heart beat.

“I have a soft spot in my heart for bastards and broken things.”  I really hate bullies, but I also really feel empathy and a soft spot for children and teenagers with hurt and broken families.  And it is one of my longterm goals to incorporate a personal development program with the juvenile court systems to enrich these victims lives through talent, art, music, sports or any other creative outlet, not condemn them.

I have a voice and I seek a platform to be heard.  I may not always say the right thing, I just speak from the heart.

xoxo

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VOTE

https://www.jetsetmag.com/model-search/2017/kristie-manning

Lost


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Deopak chakra is the root chakra.  The first chakra of the main 7 chakras.  It is ruled by the element of earth, of rooting and grounding.  If you know me, you know I am a wild child, a social butterfly, a gypsy, a winged unicorn that doesn’t want to give up her wings.  I like to listen to root chakra music on youtube while I sleep.  I feel more grounded in the morning.  I focus slowly on breathing and visualize my feet growing into a tree and rooting into the ground until I fall asleep I feel completely supported and grounded.  I feel content in my mind until I fade out.  The first chakra is associated with the following functions or behavioral characteristics:

  • Security, safety
  • Survival
  • Basic needs (food, sleep, shelter, self-preservation, etc.)
  • Physicality, physical identity and aspects of self
  • Grounding
  • Support and foundation for living our lives

I’m on vacation in California trying to clear my mind.  Find my path if you will.  I’m not sure what direction I am going in.  If I stay in Hawaii and do real estate, or move out to Utah in the country, or try to move to a big city.  I don’t know what I want to do but I’m definitely at a fork in the road.  My baby died on election day.  My puppy got run over on Mother’s Day.   I have been ill and dealing with health issues.  And I haven’t found stable work or been able to focus on real estate full time because being a single mother and maintaining income at the same time as trying to launch a career is challenging and often leaves holes in your mommy game.  I’m really in a strange place and I want to find my roots so I can grow into a strong Koa tree that not even a level 5 hurricane could shake.

The day before I left, I got an email invite to join the Miss Jet Set contest.  So I said… what the hell… I posted some of my favorite old modeling pictures and we’ll see where it goes.  I’ll post a couple social media blasts. *Sorry if I spammed you but thank you so much for the continued support! But I didn’t expect to be in first place after the 4th elimination.

I’m currently working on my Freebikinibody.com fitness content website to help women achieve their fitness goals at no price.  I don’t have working capital so I am working on it grass roots by myself and will hopefully later obtain some funding or grants.  As a business owner, I believe it is important to identify your target market and also incorporate social responsibility into your image.  But I wanted this to be genuine.  As someone who grew up in Hawaii, I am very respectful of the aina (land) and the sea.  After watching the Discovery Channel “Plastic Ocean” my heart was heavy.  I became more concerned for the future of our planet, our beautiful marine life and the food we put in our bodies.  You all know I can be politically outspoken and come off as brash and have hard views, but taking care of our world is not something of “the left” or “the right.” Nor is it a Chinese issue or American issue or Mexican issue. We should all care collectively as a whole.  As a personal trainer since 2008, I’m losing the passion for fitness as corporate and mainstream takes over.  I’d rather share what I know with the world and positively impact others lives through a free fitness content website.  I decided to donate 10%  of all profits of my freebikinibody.com website to causes related to cleaning up the ocean.  My heart was warmed when I discovered the 16 year old who invented a device to clean the ocean and they are now raising funds to do so.

As I promote the Miss Jet Contest, I apologize, I do get a little spammy.  I have to be consistent and I thank everyone for the awesome support!  Couldn’t do it without all of you!  I follow and interact in a lot of groups which I have interests in, in certain cities like Honolulu and Vegas, in fitness communities, real estate, wine and spirituality and a few cancer and fundraiser charity groups.    We all have our list of groups we like to follow and interact in.  Yesterday I posted my Miss Jet Set link in a spirituality group I interact with.  Facebook sometimes blocks your posts when you over post, so I guess my comment didn’t go through and they just saw a link.  I woke up to a viral debate on my post this morning.

Many were attacking me while others defended me.  I wasn’t upset or hurt or feeling anything.  I think I’ve learned to have empathy for others who judge people because they have not yet learned the lesson of true grief, loss and empathy.  But it turned into an interesting event.  Perhaps I had influenced a lot of people in an indirect way.  Someone even posted a long video apologizing and dissecting their own feelings and behaviors. Our feelings are a reflection of our own subconscious.

“I am not here for your understanding of who I am. I am here for your understanding of who you are. I am your mirror. How you feel about me, what you see in me, the thoughts that arise from your encounter of me, the judgments you hold about me, are all reflections of you. They have nothing to do with me.” Maroutian

It made me realize I am a genuine person.  That even in my madness and what sometimes seems to be a chaotic life, that it gives me purpose to positively make someones life a little better or inspire someone positively.  That we all have our strengths and weaknesses.  That perhaps the world has been unkind to me so that I may appreciate the beauty in good.  There is no light without dark.  There is no heaven without hell.  There is no good without evil.  That we are all human and on our own paths.  Some of us are at different places.  But we all have something to offer each other regardless of sex, race, country of origin or social status.  I have learned from the lowest of street level pimps and drug dealers, to the top echalon of the elite 1% in the world.  And I too have taught them something in an indirect way.  We are all here to impact each others lives and teach and grow.  I have been on a real bad down swing for a while.  And this experience has changed my perspective on some things and my current mindset, for the better.

I don’t know where my path is taking me, and it scares the hell out of me.  But I do know that the path gets clearer everyday as I acknowledge my fears and mistakes and learn and grow from them.

Last month I tatted my banner on my back: “Not all those who wander are lost.”

I’m late for my 1:00 but I had to get this off my chest.

Here’s the link to the Miss Jet Set 2017 contest.  I am currently first in my divison.  Please continue to vote daily, signup for the mailing list, and if you feel generous then please donate to the be positive cancer foundation for more votes.

https://www.jetsetmag.com/model-search/2017/kristie-manning

Aloha

Kristie Manning

Toast to Newlywed Nikki and Johnny White


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Apr. 15, 2017

I didn’t expect them to cut off the toasts so suddenly, so I want to express my love and support of this newly wed couple.  Maybe it’s better perhaps for me to put it into writing than to give a long drunken speech jumping back and forth with my ADD , [ LOL :)~ ]
I have so much to express about my best friend Nikki and this beautiful couple. And even though I didn’t get to toast: I get photos when I write!  I first met Nikki from a mutual friend at the Love Fest.  She looked so adorable. Nikki was wearing a fuzzy fur hat with a fur vest and a cut off denim skirt with a cute crop top that showed off her (still) perfect abs.  #cutsomewatercutsomecarbs (by the way I AM going to get Nikki to compete one day.)  Little did I know that I would come to learn that Nikki was even more beautiful on the inside than she was on the outside, if that is even possible. (;

I first came to Nikki to help me sponsor a beauty event that was raising funds for starving children in Malawi.  She didn’t only hesitate to help, she also sent me in the direction of other sponsors and invited some great people who have all come to be great friends still.  Shortly after this, Nikki called me to come work for her at a tattoo expo as a promo girl.  I told her I would love to and I even rocked the bikini contest wearing her “Way Gone” hat. LOL *she threw me under the bus on that circus… but I’m down for her. I’d jump in front of a bus for her. ❤  At this time I started to be introduced to more of her circle.  I met Pua and I was so happy that Caleb was joining her team at Way Gone.  Also another beautiful spirit.  Nikki is surrounded by an eclectic mix of  fun and beautiful people.  And I love the positivity that she radiates.

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(don’t mind the silly hair, there was suppose to be a pin up contest lol)

It just so happened that at this time, I was going through a horrible break up, and Nikki was having some similar issues as well.  WING GIRL!  We are both Gemini’s so the two of us together are ADD overload and we know how to have fun till the sun comes up!  Friday nights turns into “try this on” and she finds the sluttiest dress she can in her closet, which turn into Saturday nights and Sundays turn into Nikki making my daughter Kai and I breakfast and brunches at Bogarts (our fav hang over spot) after sleeping on the day bed all weekend and getting to wake up to the ocean front breeze at her old condo at the Diamond Head Ambassador.  My daughter was always excited to come over to Auntie Nikki’s house so that she could hang out and play video games with Destin who was always patient and kind to her, [ because we all know what a butt head Kai can be sometimes (; ]  I remember one time we were at Safeway picking up pizza and ice cream for the kids, and Destin wanted to pay for it.  I think this was the first time he played “man of the house” and we thought the gesture was so sweet that he wanted to take care of his mommy.  He must have been about 13 at the time.  I think Nikki showed me what it meant to be a better mom.  I don’t think it was easy for me to balance a social life, making time for Kai and work.  And I thank her for not only being a positive person in my life, but also one of Kai’s favorite aunties.   Kai is loved by so many people although her father is in jail and unable to show her.  She is lucky to have people like Nikki who welcome her with open arms. Nikki too understands the struggle of raising a child single and understands the strength it requires to balance our lives.

Nikki always had a way of knowing when I needed a friend.  If I had a fight with a boyfriend, she’d always find something to do.  Like that one time we went sailing.  Being around her was always fun, we always were surrounded by great people, and you always seemed to forget all your problems.  But Nikki is also a great listener and always wants to help.  She always has great perspective to offer and although for the Gemini this ALWAYS backfires… believe me… I know… her heart is always in the right place! We’v only fought ONCE… I almost walked out while she was in the shower and she asked me to stay.  I was impressed by her humble ingenuity and ability to admit she was wrong.  I couldn’t stay mad at Nikki for longer than ten minutes.  We Gemini’s are ultra forgiving. (;

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Nikki came and supported me when I won my division in bodybuilding at the Sting Rey Classic in 2014.  Two weeks later my boyfriend and I got in a fight and I was unable to attend a big show in Pittsburgh I had trained extremely hard for.  She didn’t hesitate to loan me $2000 that month so that I can go to the event I had worked hard for, for months.  It was hard for me to accept but I knew that she wanted me to have it.  This kind gesture meant so much to me from someone I have only known for a short time.

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You can’t go to a good party without running into Nikki.  I broke up with my boyfriend AT this party because he told me he wasn’t feeling good and had to go to the office.  SO I decided to go to a pool party w Nikki and there he was drinking a cup of Patron.  So I went on with the party while Nikki kept me in a good mood.  She later convinced my boyfriend to come say hi to me.  But although her intentions were good: she couldn’t fix his tendency to fail at being smooth with his words lol.  Nikki is like a mom to me, a sister and a friend.  I first seek her approval of all the men I date before ever introducing them to my family lol.  I care for her opinion more than my own family.

The first time I met Johnny, Nikki and I were eating sushi at Doraku.  He joined us shortly after and we went to sing Karaoke at G’s Studio down the road.  I have some videos laying around in my icloud somewhere of that night (: and Johnny sang a wonderful old school Fitzgerald type song.  Totally impressed!  But Johnny’s shy, quiet swagger had me believing he wouldn’t last a month. (sorry JW)  Before I left to Vegas we hung out one more time with a friend of mine.  We met up at Lobby bar and went to Modern and ended up at the M.  Johnny had great manners and although we had our own bottles of champagne, he got a bottle of Goose as to not intrude.  Although we ended up giving it away, I liked the gesture of him buying his own bottle. (;

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Johnny didn’t mind that I came over to watch the super bowl with them and ruined his game by arguing politics with him the entire game. LOL even though me and Nikki were ganging up on him.  (We always do lol). Even when I jokingly suggested Nikki and I put on our bikinis and hold Trump signs on the corner of Hawaii Kai Dr… Johnny always laughed at my twisted humor.  When I came back from Vegas, they are now living together and an official couple.  It’s New Years and I just had returned from a year of traveling.  Johnny wants to go home at 1 am.  Why you gotta be so boring grandpa?

I called Nikki one evening and Caleb answered the phone.  A group of them all went  to Maui and apparently Johnny had proposed. The social butterfly that can’t be caught?  NO WAY!  I think others felt the same way, but I was the most vocal about it.  In a joking way I always said Johnny stole my wing girl. 😦  But I sincerely could not find one reason why he wasn’t the one.  I had seen the kindness he has shown her, and the growth since they have been together.  I see the balance Libra creates in Gemini’s free spirit.  And their dynamics shows me that you can have balance and freedom and still be close at the same time.  I only hope to find the same happiness one day as these two love birds.

“You hold me without touch.  You keep me without chains.”  

There was a time I was in the hospital with a complicated pregnancy and my family wasn’t really there for me.  Nikki’s friends all reached out to me.  People whom I barely knew, who I have all come to be really great people.  Her and Johnny brought me (my favorite) buffalo wild wings.  One thing is BWW is my ISH!  And Johnny has great taste when it comes to food!  On the day I lost my baby, (election day) Nikki brought me some food and Johnny brought me some flowers.  We watched the election as Trump crushed it.. and Johnny still wasn’t convinced… he was commentating like it was a basketball game like… “naw… Hillary’s gonna come back in the fourth quarter.”  I still wasn’t convinced that Johnny was the one.  Besides… he stole my wing girl and moved her out to Hawaii Kai.  Do you know how much further that is from my freaking house?

Holiday after holiday, Nikki and Johnny gathers groups for Thanksgiving potluck dinners, Christmas, and New Years eve (and red wine and bub of course).  Don’t get me started on Johnny’s massive mac and cheese!  I can only have a bite but believe me…. I would eat that for days!  The lobster dinner he shared with Charmaine and I on New Years day was also wonderful.  (; I had no idea he could cook!  “No wonder you’re keeping this one” I joked to Nikki.  There is something to say about a man that cooks.  Johnny kept impressing me with these small things and gestures.  I slowly began to see the kindness he showed Nikki and the little things that made her a better person.

I am also thankful for the blessed friends that have come into my life because of this beautiful soul and lessons she has also taught me about protecting your space and energy and most of all letting go of negativity and forgiveness. But also for her having an open heart and allowing me to inspire her in the tiniest ways in the same way she has done for me.

Johnny just flew in from Florida on NYE and was sleeping because of jet lag… And I was like “shhhhhh… don’t wake up grandpa… we want to go party!”  Lol!  JK… I’m sure Johnny doesn’t always mind being around all the beautiful ladies.  And this night was great even tho we got separated from the rest of the group, Johnny ended up designated driving us to Kaiser Bowls to watch a great view of the entire island even though he was super tired, he just wanted to spend new years with Nikki even if that meant dragging him out around town to dead spots to meet friends that mattered.  #designateddrivergrandpa That morning (I won’t go into details) but a situation arose and I was like oh s*** that is fighting material.  And the way he calmly handled it impressed me.  Johnny carries himself with dignity, class and has strong morals.  And though he may not always agree with everyone, he respects people for their differences in opinions and their imperfections and doesn’t judge Nikki’s “eclectic” group of friends.  This truly impressed me. Johnny is always up in his head tho so who knows what funny stuff is going on in there, because he likes to laugh at my craziness often with a funny “I’m just gonna sip on this beer…” dismissive look on his face. (; Even when I’m busy being a s*** head taking Nikki’s back in a debate, he is always calm and never angry.

So as it got closer to the wedding and we started doing preparations THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING.  I’ll admit it!  I was the last person to really believe she wasn’t going to “run-away-bride” on Johnny.  I met someone (also a Libra) recently who reminds me immensely of Johnny.  He is kind and well mannered and is showing me all the things in a man I cynically didn’t believe existed anymore in this world of social media and surface level relationships.   Yet we all know this: Libra’s know how to let their freak flags fly, but still have the swag to put on the little romantic touch here and there that makes us want to vomit in our mouths a little bit (but we secretly love it… so don’t stop it coming).  (By the way… we all know Johnny’s a closet freak even though he didn’t like my Suzie’s bachelorette party gift… he’s with you Nikki… he has to be lol.)  A couple days before their wedding, I sent Nikki a text message…

“for the first time, I fully understand why you are marrying Johnny.”

It gives me hope… I feel sorry for the poor bastard who ends up with me. ❤

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A toast to the Bride and Groom: to the lucky devil who caught the uncatchable unicorn.  Mr and Mrs Johnny White.

xoxo

 

Get Your FREE Personal Training Session


New years resolution-ers… it’s time to get in shape!  Book your FREE personal training session today.  First 30 only for a limited time!

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Kristie Manning
Personal Trainer and Nutritionist
call 808-377-0002 to book your appointment
iHeartFitnessHI.com

xoxo

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My Christmas List: Presents Under $100 For the Connoisseur


Every year I share my wish list with you.  Here it is… Everything available at Amazon.com

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Dean and Tyler Leash and Collar $19.76

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Coldbroo Coffee Maker (my roommate exploded mine when he turned the temperature down and everything froze over) 😦  My favorite! ❤ $40

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Water Lilies by Monet $69

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Simple to Spectacular: How to Take One Basic Recipe to Four Levels of Sophistication by Jean Georges $30

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Asian Flavors of Jean Georges $28

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Ball Mugs $10

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Alo Womens Luna Sweat Pants $78

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Alo Yoga Mesh Goddess Ribbed Leggings $79

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High Frequency Skin Care Machine $40

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Ultrasonic Skin Care Machine $55

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PS4 Charging Station $16

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Riedel Stemless Cabernet Glasses Set of 8 $56

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World Atlas of Wine $3

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White Nike Free RN Fly Knits $88

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Teal Cotton Oversized Knit Throw $45

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Neocutis Bio Gel Hyrdrogel $73

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December Special 3 personal training sessions for $99 (regularly $85/hour)
From iHeartFitnessHI.com

Gift Cards FROM

Victoria’s Secret
Lululemon
Zara
Nordstrom
Target

Slip by Elliot Moss


Whoa, whoa, whoa
Whoa, whoa, whoa
Whoa, whoa, whoa
Whoa, whoa, whoa

I won’t keep watching you
Dance around in your smoke
And flicker out
You’re not the light I used to know
I don’t believe in safety nets
Strung below that make it alright
To let go
You gotta hold on

Or it’s gonna
Slip, slip, slip through your
Slip, slip, slip through your hands
Whoa, whoa, whoa

Or it’s gonna
Slip, slip, slip through your
Slip, slip, slip through your hands
Whoa, whoa, whoa

Or it’s gonna
Slip, slip, slip through your
Slip, slip, slip through your hands
Whoa, whoa, whoa

What’s the matter?
You don’t have enough rain
To make up your storm?
Oooh whatcha look so sad for?
Where’s the light I used to know?

Oh it’s gonna
Slip, slip, slip through your
Slip, slip, slip through your hands
Whoa, whoa, whoa

Oh it’s gonna
Slip, slip, slip through your
Slip, slip, slip through your hands
Whoa, whoa, whoa

Where’s that light I used to know?
Where’s that light I used to know?
Where’s that light I used to know?
Where’s the light I used to know?
Slip, slip, slip through your hands
Whoa, whoa, whoa

Oh it’s gonna
Slip, slip, slip through your
Slip, slip, slip through your hands
Whoa, whoa, whoa

Oh it’s gonna
Slip, slip, slip through your
Slip, slip, slip through your hands
Whoa, whoa, whoa

Oh it’s gonna
Slip, slip, slip through your
Slip, slip, slip through your hands
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

Above and Beyond pres. Ocean Lab – Lonely Girl


Staring at the top sheet
Listening to my heart beat
Wondering how to say it
Playing over one track
Wanting you to come back
Want to have you here
Lying on a cold sheet
Jump into my car seat
Drive down to the river
Nightlight is reflecting
Somehow I’m expecting
Your voice in my ear
I wish that I could tell you
I wish that I could tell you
I wish that I could tell you
All the things that you do
Come back ’cause I’m gonna be a lonely girl again
Come back ’cause I’m gonna be a lonely girl
Come back ’cause I’m gonna be a lonely girl again
Come back ’cause I’m gonna be a lonely girl
Lying in the long grass
Watching as the clouds pass
Hands held in silence
Your arms right around me
Feeling glad you found me
Feeling like I’m home
Wish you would remember
April to September
Wanting to be near me
Waiting for the sunrise
Staring into my eyes
You and I alone
I wish that I could tell you
I wish that I could tell you
I wish that I could tell you
All the things that you do
Come back ’cause I’m gonna be a lonely girl again
Come back ’cause I’m gonna be a lonely girl
Come back ’cause I’m gonna be a lonely girl again
Come back ’cause I’m gonna be a lonely girl
Lie back in my own dream
Playback on a big screen
You and me together
Why give up a love found
Wish that I could write down
What you mean to me
I wish that I could tell you
I wish that I could tell you
I wish that I could tell you
All the things that you do
Come back ’cause I’m gonna be a lonely girl again
Come back ’cause I’m gonna be a lonely girl
Come back ’cause I’m gonna be a lonely girl again
Come back ’cause I’m gonna be a lonely girl
Was it so wrong
You know you said you loved me
Could it be so easy
Just to walk away
Was it so wrong
You know you said you loved me
Could it be so easy
Just to walk away

Faded by Alan Walker


You were the shadow to my light
Did you feel us
Another start
You fade away
Afraid our aim is out of sight
Wanna see us
Alive
Where are you now
Where are you now
Where are you now
Was it all in my fantasy
Where are you now
Were you only imaginary
Where are you now
Atlantis
Under the sea
Under the sea
Where are you now
Another dream
The monsters running wild inside of me
I’m faded
I’m faded
So lost
I’m faded
I’m faded
So lost
I’m faded
These shallow waters, never met
What I needed
I’m letting go
A deeper dive
Eternal silence of the sea
I’m breathing
Alive
Where are you now
Where are you now
Under the bright
But faded lights
You set my heart on fire
Where are you now
Where are you now
Where are you now
Atlantis
Under the sea
Under the sea
Where are you now
Another dream
The monsters running wild inside of me
I’m faded
I’m faded
So lost
I’m faded
I’m faded
So lost
I’m faded

the Road Less Traveled


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I’ve traveled paths many would never dare.  Path’s that people judge with dismay and fear. I chose the path less traveled.  I chose adventure.  I chose to live.  I chose to make my own decisions.  I chose to go against the grain and march to my own beat.  I chose to be a free thinker.  I chose to say what was on my mind without thinking.  I chose to live “out there” so that my life was so out of control, I had no choice but to become centered again to find my true master.  I chose to be misunderstood.

There’s a lot of lessons to learn in taking the road less traveled. Through empathy  comes understanding.  Through heartbreak do you only learn to love.  Only through loss do you learn to appreciate.  Through the pains of greed you learn the desire to give.  Through loneliness comes self discovery.  Through addiction you learn control.  Through vanity, you learn to be humble.  Through failure do you learn to become more disciplined.  Death gives you the gift of life.  Through pain comes transformation.

I never had a lot of friends growing up.  I never was popular.  I learned to be mean to keep people away in a subliminal way at a very young age.  It’s easier to keep people away than face rejection.  I don’t know if it’s my strong personality, my strong opinions.  Beauty is it’s own glass ceiling.  It’s a gift and a curse.  Some women can be insecure and drag you down because they are jealous of your beauty.  At the same time, I have an uncanny ability to attract people from all spectrums of the rainbow, including the wrong kind of attention.  CREEPERS and STALKERS.  Lately,  I can be in over the top bitch mode to push people away and it doesn’t always work.

Something simple as smiling more can change peoples perspective of you.  I have horrible RBF (resting bitch face) and don’t smile a lot.  I’m horrible at taking compliments.  Acknowledging them in a positive way with grace is something I am challenged with.  I think people have pre-dispositioned ideas about who they think they are.  What we put out to the world, and who we really are can often conflict and be different things.  I’m a Gemini.  And my rising sign is Scorpio.  Your rising sign is exemplary of how the world perceives you and the image you project.  The Gemini and Scorpio are two COMPLETELY OPPOSITE signs in the Zodiac.  Where Gemini is highly communicative, confident, a social butterfly, very forgiving, fun and a fiery lover and highly intellectual and super indecisive; the Scorpio is mysterious, highly sexual and passionate, jealous,  unforgiving, however highly decisive and assertive.  See the oppositional traits?  Who I project to the world can often be the complete opposite of who I really am.  I had an ex once tell me, the person I am when we are home together alone is different from what others see.  It’s beautiful when you allow someone to see you as you truly are.  Maybe he’s one of the few people I actually allowed to see.  It’s not that I’m a fake person by any means.  I think I’m a pretty awesome person, but I don’t feel like everyone is deserving of my awesomeness.  What I’ve learned in this world is it is pretty fucked up, and people generally suck.  You have to filter through the bad and be selective about finding the good energy.  Once you find that energy you will notice that you will continue to attract good energy.

I’ve taken some hard roads.  But I don’t regret any of it.  It’s our pains and strife that mold us into the person we are today. Without a piece of shit baby daddy, I wouldn’t know how to appreciate something good.  He made my life so miserable, that I’m appreciative of anything that falls short of “piece of shit baby daddy ” level.  I looked at my situation a month ago.  I was 5 months pregnant in the hospital with zero support from the asshole who abandoned me, failing to make an income, begging for money on a go fund me, and barely making acceptable care for my 11 year old daughter.  Yeah, things were pretty hard, but it doesn’t compare to that time when my ex was strung out living in the “crack head motel” with $20 in my pocket, eating corned beef hash and ramen noodles.  I’ve seen darker days.  So even if I want to cry and feel sorry for myself, I know that I have seen worse.  Sometimes life is just like FUCKED, but you pick yourself back up.  Everyday is a winding road.  And every day you have different roads to take.  What road will you take today?  The road that is easy?  Or the road less traveled?

xoxo